Forums
+++ A Warrior's Ascension +++
Quick find code: 49-50-897-49681531
![[#VEW7GWXML]](https://forums.rs/img/avatars/default.png)
Plot- 40/45- This was a bit different from most other plots I've read. This is showing how the daemons, (didn't know that was the correct spelling
) that come out of the portals where you play the pest control mini-game in RuneScape itself, are trying to become dominant. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but that's what it seems, and there were one thing I want to point out.
~ Jarvel saw no way off the island. He didn’t know where to go or what to do. The island was crumbling under the force of the magic, and he was the only living thing left on it. The vegetation died, and the fortress crumbled into dust. The lander was no more, and the sea churned and boiled.
Jarvel saw only one way. The portal still stood there, but it faded into nothing before him.
He refused to die, alone, on this island.
He saw only one way forward, and thus he took it.
He walked to the portal, and stepped forward.
He stepped into the belly of the beast. ~ That was probably the most shocking scene -- in my opinon -- throughout the entire story! No one would expect that and we get to see the inside of those portals. Great job here.
Character Development- 37/40- I liked the way you put emotions in Jarvel after his brother or best friend (I forget) died for the knight. It was so emotional. When Aris and Kagiso spoke was also a time where the characters had really big feelings. A lot of characters are just "there" and seem a bit like robots, so this gave your story a bit of a nice feeling to it.
) that come out of the portals where you play the pest control mini-game in RuneScape itself, are trying to become dominant. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but that's what it seems, and there were one thing I want to point out.
~ Jarvel saw no way off the island. He didn’t know where to go or what to do. The island was crumbling under the force of the magic, and he was the only living thing left on it. The vegetation died, and the fortress crumbled into dust. The lander was no more, and the sea churned and boiled.
Jarvel saw only one way. The portal still stood there, but it faded into nothing before him.
He refused to die, alone, on this island.
He saw only one way forward, and thus he took it.
He walked to the portal, and stepped forward.
He stepped into the belly of the beast. ~ That was probably the most shocking scene -- in my opinon -- throughout the entire story! No one would expect that and we get to see the inside of those portals. Great job here.
Character Development- 37/40- I liked the way you put emotions in Jarvel after his brother or best friend (I forget) died for the knight. It was so emotional. When Aris and Kagiso spoke was also a time where the characters had really big feelings. A lot of characters are just "there" and seem a bit like robots, so this gave your story a bit of a nice feeling to it.
03-Oct-2007 21:10:35
Organization- 10/10- Nice paragraphing, table of contents, I have nothing else to say here. A perfect 10.
Overall- 139/150- 139/150 points means it's a 92%, which means that this story will gain access to "The Yanillian Library." Congratulations. Now my opinions about the story in its entirety. I enjoyed reading this fine piece of literature. It had a lot of twists and turns, and the plot was original, not another one of those Saradomin vs. Zamorak things that most people, including myself (yes, I have Guthix in there), use. I hope to see this story progress to a great success. Good luck with future storywriting.
Oh, I see that you've made your questions for the library. Good job with that, and there's one thing though. You need to make sure your questions are possible to answer, for this is extra credit for those taking classes in "The Academy of Literature," but make sure they're hard enough where you need to read the whole story to get a good grade, but not too hard. Once again, good luck, and I hope this review helps.
Congratulations again.
׺°”˜` (V)߆§¢‡, ¶@ï/\/ ÍÑ +|-|€ /\/£CK ˜`”°º×
Overall- 139/150- 139/150 points means it's a 92%, which means that this story will gain access to "The Yanillian Library." Congratulations. Now my opinions about the story in its entirety. I enjoyed reading this fine piece of literature. It had a lot of twists and turns, and the plot was original, not another one of those Saradomin vs. Zamorak things that most people, including myself (yes, I have Guthix in there), use. I hope to see this story progress to a great success. Good luck with future storywriting.
Oh, I see that you've made your questions for the library. Good job with that, and there's one thing though. You need to make sure your questions are possible to answer, for this is extra credit for those taking classes in "The Academy of Literature," but make sure they're hard enough where you need to read the whole story to get a good grade, but not too hard. Once again, good luck, and I hope this review helps.
Congratulations again.
׺°”˜` (V)߆§¢‡, ¶@ï/\/ ÍÑ +|-|€ /\/£CK ˜`”°º×
03-Oct-2007 21:10:54 - Last edited on 03-Oct-2007 21:12:08 by Venmi
Quick find code: 49-50-897-49681531 Back to Top