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~~The Priceless~~
Quick find code: 49-50-890-60645640
Hello there.
I haven't read past the first page, but hopefully I will when I get some free time
. I just wanted to say that your beginning - is it a prologue? - seemed a little weighed down... the first sentence was somewhat long to me, kind of dragged on - it might sound better as two sentences? And it seemed like there was a touch too much of description in the beginning/prologue, which weighed it down somewhat (purple prose, maybe?). It's only my opinion, though, I may be wrong XD.
Good luck with your writing, I'm sure it will turn out great.
I haven't read past the first page, but hopefully I will when I get some free time
. I just wanted to say that your beginning - is it a prologue? - seemed a little weighed down... the first sentence was somewhat long to me, kind of dragged on - it might sound better as two sentences? And it seemed like there was a touch too much of description in the beginning/prologue, which weighed it down somewhat (purple prose, maybe?). It's only my opinion, though, I may be wrong XD.
Good luck with your writing, I'm sure it will turn out great.
06-Dec-2010 06:05:59
Hey Dollpower, thanks for reading and your kind words!
I agree that the sentences (or at least this narrator's narrative style) isn't the favourite of many. But that sentence works better as one in my opinion. How would you have split it?
And various wording changes, added and subtracted, were made to the story probably for the final time, so The Priceless is once again that little bit better
Thanks Ruben for the bumps XD
I agree that the sentences (or at least this narrator's narrative style) isn't the favourite of many. But that sentence works better as one in my opinion. How would you have split it?
And various wording changes, added and subtracted, were made to the story probably for the final time, so The Priceless is once again that little bit better
Thanks Ruben for the bumps XD
20-Dec-2010 22:42:57 - Last edited on 20-Dec-2010 22:43:12 by Englishkid62
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