“She must have hit something sensitive as blood began to spurt from his throat”
Stabbing someone’s throat draws very little blood, due to the breathing.
I have decided not to criticize.
Wow, Lamentar, Real Rs, Torpeh, Wishfish...
Well, the story goes through things like a husband falling over in fear from seeing a knife, a birth, anachronistic elements, a Spirit Chamber, Captain Jukil, Sergeant Kelly, multiple stammering, praises, and Georgia saying “Die”. I’m guessing the story finishes at around page 25 or so, as I did*’t notice much after that.
Honestly, I did not find the story scary or sadistic, but this is an older story, back when people were softer. Yeah, it’s basically like a low-budget horror film that uses all the clichés, like scraping fingernails down a window and repeating words to horrify people. Well, you shouldn’t cringe rereading this, you were not Stephen King after all, no-one is suddenly a great author immediately. Realising that you could do better is itself improvement. The story kinda reminded me of The Devil’s Rejects.
Not to sound like an arrogant jerk, at least I hope not. I was never good at horror myself.
May I offer a shameless add? I have a story of similar nature, but highly metaphorical, and it can be found here
49-50-111-62110861
on page 3, beginning of the second post. It’s not a long story, just a few posts. Since you have experience about darker themes, I just hoped to maybe get a little feedback, if it’s ok with you. Yeah, that’s all for now, I should get to bed, I wake up at 5 am and it’s almost 12 o’clock at night where I live.
22-Jun-2013 07:39:14
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