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Echoes of the Gods
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"and when he saw a rabbit by the path, it’s soft nose twitching,"
Reminds me of that bunny I buried yesterday.
Well, anyway, it's been awhile since I was last here. Your use of wording and description is still, say, not much other than excellent. I really like how you do have a focus on the minor things, such as mentioning a songbird and then a squirrel chattering back, so many nice things amidst the bad mood, yet there's something there to be a disappointment (for the protagonist). Very much like what happened to me that I talked about on the SD. Still, I do believe that authors must have a focus on smaller things, sometimes secondary or even tertiary elements, to tell a good story. You forget to capitalise some names, though.
My only complaint is that you made five posts in eight months. I guess now I have to punch my mom's cat in the face.
Personally, I find that I type most efficiently during late night. Just thought I'd mention that
Reminds me of that bunny I buried yesterday.
Well, anyway, it's been awhile since I was last here. Your use of wording and description is still, say, not much other than excellent. I really like how you do have a focus on the minor things, such as mentioning a songbird and then a squirrel chattering back, so many nice things amidst the bad mood, yet there's something there to be a disappointment (for the protagonist). Very much like what happened to me that I talked about on the SD. Still, I do believe that authors must have a focus on smaller things, sometimes secondary or even tertiary elements, to tell a good story. You forget to capitalise some names, though.
My only complaint is that you made five posts in eight months. I guess now I have to punch my mom's cat in the face.
Personally, I find that I type most efficiently during late night. Just thought I'd mention that
13-Aug-2012 06:03:15 - Last edited on 13-Aug-2012 06:04:07 by Azigarath
Oh, I find the same hours to be my most productive as well. And actually most of this writing has been in the past month. I failed - almost entirely - to work on this at all for the first half of the year. I don't even know why, looking back. But I'm hoping to get back into writing much more regularly. I've got some more posts I plan to type up here in a couple hours, then I've gotta wrap up Chapter Two, and start Chapter Three. Hopefully I can keep going, at least as long as summer lasts and I don't have school to worry about.
Late writing also leads to those missed capitalizations and other typos. I just went through those five posts, and there sure are an awful lot of missed keys. XD
Thanks for reading. I hope you continue to enjoy it.
Late writing also leads to those missed capitalizations and other typos. I just went through those five posts, and there sure are an awful lot of missed keys. XD
Thanks for reading. I hope you continue to enjoy it.
13-Aug-2012 06:47:35 - Last edited on 13-Aug-2012 08:10:21 by Chuk
Anyways, here are a few good YT uploads that I would recommend watching fully, portraying true swordsmanship (which I'll never have) that I feel will be much better than anything I can type about:
(just fill-in what needs to be so of course)
http://***.youtube.***/watch?v=TtNZQBc4RpE&feature=related
(Note in the latter half of the video that the swordsman on the left was numerous opportunities to literally end the other guy's life with a simple thrust)
http://***.youtube.***/watch?v=Fv-Vut0xb9Y&feature=related
http://***.youtube.***/watch?v=1S_Q3C**Zmg&feature=relat
(Imagine the maneuvers being done with razor-sharp swords against people without armour)
If you already had knowledge about similar techniques then forgive my ignorance.
I'd also suggest looking at film series titled Warriors, Weapons That Made Britain, and Conquest as these series depict actual combat with various weapons, but Conquest is sometimes unauthentic. They are also on YuTu, just type in Spartan Vengeance for a start about the series on Warriors.
(just fill-in what needs to be so of course)
http://***.youtube.***/watch?v=TtNZQBc4RpE&feature=related
(Note in the latter half of the video that the swordsman on the left was numerous opportunities to literally end the other guy's life with a simple thrust)
http://***.youtube.***/watch?v=Fv-Vut0xb9Y&feature=related
http://***.youtube.***/watch?v=1S_Q3C**Zmg&feature=relat
(Imagine the maneuvers being done with razor-sharp swords against people without armour)
If you already had knowledge about similar techniques then forgive my ignorance.
I'd also suggest looking at film series titled Warriors, Weapons That Made Britain, and Conquest as these series depict actual combat with various weapons, but Conquest is sometimes unauthentic. They are also on YuTu, just type in Spartan Vengeance for a start about the series on Warriors.
15-Aug-2012 07:56:35 - Last edited on 15-Aug-2012 07:59:03 by Azigarath
Honestly, at this stage in the story, it's supposed to simply be a scene to show that, at least when the opponents haven't had years of training, Aletayr lives up to his hype of being the best swordsman. Can't say I really wanted to focus on the battle, which means maybe in a future revision, I would cut it entirely.
And I do admit, I know next to nothing about sword fighting of any sort. Only education is watching Lord of the Rings, and the lightsaber battles from Star Wars (yay choreography!) combined with my own imagination of what's possible.
When I was typing up the story from my notes, I realized that standing on the wrist that long was a bit of a weak spot, but I couldn't think of an immediate fix, and in the end it's not crucial to the story; I just let it be, so I could focus on getting where I really want to get to. I assume this sort of thing is why most published works go through 3-5 revisions before even seeing an editor. There are things you write when you're drafting and you put everything down on the paper that either need overhauled or removed altogether. In hindsight, I'd put this fight scene in that department, though probably as an overhaul, rather than removed, because of something that comes up farther down the line (which I can't spoil right now.
).
Anyhow, giving me all those sources should certainly come in handy for me. I need to do a lot of that sort of research before I try writing anything outside the RS Story Forums, I think.
As always, thanks for reading and commenting. It's definitely appreciated.
And I do admit, I know next to nothing about sword fighting of any sort. Only education is watching Lord of the Rings, and the lightsaber battles from Star Wars (yay choreography!) combined with my own imagination of what's possible.
When I was typing up the story from my notes, I realized that standing on the wrist that long was a bit of a weak spot, but I couldn't think of an immediate fix, and in the end it's not crucial to the story; I just let it be, so I could focus on getting where I really want to get to. I assume this sort of thing is why most published works go through 3-5 revisions before even seeing an editor. There are things you write when you're drafting and you put everything down on the paper that either need overhauled or removed altogether. In hindsight, I'd put this fight scene in that department, though probably as an overhaul, rather than removed, because of something that comes up farther down the line (which I can't spoil right now.
).
Anyhow, giving me all those sources should certainly come in handy for me. I need to do a lot of that sort of research before I try writing anything outside the RS Story Forums, I think.
As always, thanks for reading and commenting. It's definitely appreciated.
15-Aug-2012 09:07:03 - Last edited on 15-Aug-2012 09:09:00 by Chuk
Perfectly understandable, I just wanted to be helpful, I was beginning to have a hunch that maybe you were getting tired of my compliments.
Yeah, YuTu can be a powerful research tool, and there are so many good videos that it is essentially a big library of visual knowledge. Ancient Discoveries is also an excellent series that sometimes focus on medieval weapons, tactics and armour, but the Ancient world, from Rome to Greece, Egypt to Persia, and India to China, is all truly fascinating too. Many great fictional ideas can sprout from unusual historic fact after all.
Oh, and I would also suggest looking at Cold Steel's demonstrations for their products; they cut apart pig carcasses and such that gives a good idea of the power of blades.
Yeah, YuTu can be a powerful research tool, and there are so many good videos that it is essentially a big library of visual knowledge. Ancient Discoveries is also an excellent series that sometimes focus on medieval weapons, tactics and armour, but the Ancient world, from Rome to Greece, Egypt to Persia, and India to China, is all truly fascinating too. Many great fictional ideas can sprout from unusual historic fact after all.
Oh, and I would also suggest looking at Cold Steel's demonstrations for their products; they cut apart pig carcasses and such that gives a good idea of the power of blades.
15-Aug-2012 20:34:11 - Last edited on 15-Aug-2012 20:40:46 by Azigarath
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