RuneScape Forum Archive | From the Dying Embers

Black Beam

Posts: 79 Iron Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

3

, continued

I nodded carefully.

He brightened immediately. 'Well, you see, there's this problem I have. It's-'

'Kleptomania?' I finished for him. He huffed in annoyance.

'No, I'm just a petty thief, you see. So, I used to be a citizen of Al Kharid, but when I was perfecting my, uh, skills at acquiring a five-fingered discount-'

My mouth opened in shock. 'Did you seriously just use the phrase five-fingered discount?' I giggled, feeling my sanity being chipped at by this specimen of horrendous failure in front of me.

'Alright, alright,' he said, flashing me a smile, probably believing that I found him funny. 'But then I was caught breaking into the royal palace-'

'Of course.'

'Let me finish,' he said, sounding genuinely annoyed now. 'And, long story short, they kicked me out. Don't think my family's vaunted honor will ever be the same again. Point is, I used to have a real stand up buddy. His name's Khnum. I'm Ozan by the way,' he interjected suddenly, pointing his hand at me.

I shook it reluctantly.

'And I have reason to believe that Khnum's recently joined a gang around this area. Tumeken knows why, he's definitely not the type. Point is, I've been looking for him and I've found out where the base is. I've tried to get in, but there's only one entrance and it's guarded. I've spent all of my money living here. It was either this, or eating a giant spider,' he said.

'Have you tried honest work?' I deadpanned.

He glared. 'I'm a master thief. This is the most honest of professions. I'm very upfront about who I am,' he said, feigning insult.

I nodded along. 'Right, master thief. So why are you having trouble slipping past the guard.'

'You wanna see?' He smiled.

Despite everything, I was interested. This wasn't quite the same as rescuing a princess, but it was a step in the right direction, wasn't it? Sometimes I lay in a tub of ragu sauce and pretend I'm a wand drop

11-Jun-2013 14:22:21 - Last edited on 11-Jun-2013 14:31:12 by Black Beam

Black Beam

Posts: 79 Iron Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

3

, continued

His smile widened and he led me through the alleyway. I knew the area like the back of my hand, so I knew which cobblestones were easy to stumble over. He did stumble and I did laugh.

'Not quite too agile yet, but I'm getting there,' he promised, more to himself than to me.

He finally led me to a trapdoor.

'You know, there was a shortcut we could have taken straight from where we were,' I said, pointing down another alleyway. He grimaced.

I walked over to the trapdoor and threw it open.

'Hey, you!' said an unassuming man who I learned immediately was only pretending to read the flyer he was holding. 'You can't go in there.'

Ozan was nowhere to be found. He'd probably failed to get in several times.

'I just want to see what's going on in there,' I said.

'Nice try, buddy, but I'm supposed to keep away everyone who tries to get in. You're probably associated with that shady guy in orange who keeps-'

'That's enough,' I said politely. I drew my scimitar. In the afternoon sun, it looked extremely sharp and not very polite.

He balked, then looked away pointedly. &quot;You're the right type,&quot; he said, his voice just a tad shaky.

I descended the rickety wooden steps into an extremely dark cellar. A bunch of men who looked rather rough around the edges were seated on tables drinking beer and harder liquors.

'Who are you?' someone shouted over to me.

'I'm looking for a Khnum,' I shouted back over the din.

A man sporting a large belly and a larger sense of unkemptness turned around from his seat on one of the benches and stood up. 'Well, you're looking at Khnum, the head of the Skulls,' he growled.

I stared at him and made my decision immediately. 'I want to join your gang,' I said. Sometimes I lay in a tub of ragu sauce and pretend I'm a wand drop

11-Jun-2013 14:22:42 - Last edited on 11-Jun-2013 14:32:26 by Black Beam

The Level

Posts: 8,999 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Hello there, I've finished what you've posted so far and I do believe you've piqued my interest. Your style of writing is sophisticated but still easy to follow, and your main character is already proving to be relatable while possessing the necessary human flaws to make him believable.

A few random thoughts:

Who is Amy? Perhaps I missed a post, but she receives no introduction (that I'm aware of) and it threw me off.

Jagex is pretty incompetent when it comes to the forums, so quotation marks are sometimes glitched and turn out bad when you post them. There are a couple points in the story where this happens, and it doesn't look pretty. Easy fix - use double apostrophes and it looks the same: ''Hello.''

Jonathan's motivation for joining a criminal gang is a little foggy and could use clarification, especially since it contradicts his apparently pious nature.

That's all I've got for now. I'll be following the story as you continue it and would like to extend a welcome from the Story forum. Also, don't mind our nostalgic whining in TNG. Nostalgia is something of a pastime for us, apparently. People were wishing for the ''good old days'' as far back as 2006 (and probably farther), when I began to frequent the forum. As the saying goes, ''nostalgia is a seductive liar.''

Anyway, patiently waiting for more.

Fantastic start.

11-Jun-2013 19:38:57 - Last edited on 11-Jun-2013 19:44:08 by The Level

Black Beam

Posts: 79 Iron Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Hey! Thanks :3

Amy is just a random that will probably never show up again. I refer to her as just someone that the character (who isn't really me, though he shares my name xD) used to have a thing for, but has forgotten by this point, almost.

As to the criminal gang thing, the whole ''can I join'' thing is because he's not sure how to continue his quest without saying something like that - considering he figured out that Khnum was the leader of this gang and not just another recruit.

Thank you for the welcome

Sometimes I lay in a tub of ragu sauce and pretend I'm a wand drop

12-Jun-2013 09:24:46

Black Beam

Posts: 79 Iron Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

4

As I expected, Ozan was a little confused with my actions.

''So your response to my old friend being in some gang was 'hey, why don't I infiltrate his organization and get myself and everyone related to me kiled?'''

I nodded. ''It's a perfectly viable solution.This way, we can figure out exactly where he went wrong.''

We were sitting on that singular bench next to the marketplace which I loved so much.

''What if they see me with you? Then they'll know!'' he protested.

I thought carefully. ''You can't fight, can you? I'm competent with a sword, but not very good, myself. But if things go from bad to terrible to life threatening, there is an old man who lives in this town who could probably level the entire bar that the Skull's base is in, in one spell.''

Ozan stared at me like I was crazy. ''That's impossible! When I was in Al Kharid, everyone had trouble throwing a little bit of dirt at people.''

''Shows what you know about the world.''

''You're a real piece of work, you know?'' he complained.

I usually wasn't this mean to people, but this was someone who tried to rob me. And then contracted me for a quest without a hint of possible payment. And I accepted it. This was well within my rights.

''So how are we going to do this?'' Ozan asked.

''Well, they don't seem to be doing anything important right now. I'm going to hang out in that bar, okay. If you have any combat applicable ability, you might as well practice it, because this might get a little messy.''

Ozan nodded. ''I'll go make a bow or something. I learned how to do that once upon a time.''

I shook my head. ''It's not going to be easy. There is a guy around here, Ned, who sells rope. If you're lucky he might have flax you can spin into a bowstring. Just get into someone's good graces and they'll let you use their spinning wheel.''

Ozan nodded again, looking determined.

''I'll contact you when something happens, or if a bunch of the Skulls look ready to do something big.'' Sometimes I lay in a tub of ragu sauce and pretend I'm a wand drop

12-Jun-2013 09:49:01 - Last edited on 12-Jun-2013 09:49:50 by Black Beam