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~*Illuminating Shadows*~

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Poller5
Dec Member 2023

Poller5

Posts: 11,421 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Eh, I dunno. I'm not going to complain.
Hopefully, they're'll be new adds this weekend. I must appologize for the delay, for school work, a slight lack of inspiration, and some general laziness have delayed them far too long. However, this should change soon :D

21-May-2008 20:03:57

CaptChekaka

CaptChekaka

Posts: 35,595 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Okay, Poller has told me that it was fine for me to just show him a full review of mine for the first two chapters and then give a final review for the entire story. So, here we go!
--

-=- Prologue -=-

- Very well done. The battle scene seemed a bit bland to me and it dragged a bit. Not sure why, but that's just the impact I got from it. However, that was quickly replaced by the scene with Lacerus, which I really liked. Great job.
Prologue: Final Review
An excellent start. Aside from the small bit of drag I felt while reading the battle scene of the Varrockians versus the Fremenniks, I liked this Prologue. The scene with Lacerus having to 'kill or be killed' was well written, and I liked the slight interactions bewteen him and the crowd and him and the king. Heh. No grammar or spelling mistakes I can note, either. Great job!

-=- Chapter One -=-

- Again, no grammatical mistakes to note. Good job.
-Hm. The only real problem I have with this chapter is that whole pushup scene. I mean, doing pushups doesn't really qualify someone as to be showing 'promise,' and didn't you say that the Varrockians already noted his strength from the battle? If so, then this whole series seems pointless to me, but I suppose that doesn't really matter considering it plays such a small role in this.

25-May-2008 14:28:19 - Last edited on 25-May-2008 15:05:17 by CaptChekaka

CaptChekaka

CaptChekaka

Posts: 35,595 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Chapter One: Final Review
It seemed short, but kept my interest. I like the beginning portion of it where you show how the simple confines of a cell can have a person lose their perspectives of time and the like. Nicely done. The description is good, too, I felt as though you did well to explain the details, but kept the descriptions short enough so that they don't distract us.
On another note, the only thing, as said above, I noticed that bothered me was the scene that felt pointless. Anyway, to characters. Halldór seems like a solid character so far, and you're using him well as to reacting with your supporting characters. His personality is developing well, too, which is good. The story flows well here; I like the pace. That's all I can say about this chapter - it's solid.

'Illuminating Shadows' by Poller5: Final Review

All-in-all, this is a great story. I like it so far, and I think you're doing a great job with it. Although it doesn't keep me quite as captured (like Brother and Sister), it's a fantastic piece. I like your characters - they seem to be developing well and you describe them, along with scenery, quite nicely. I can easily get what your trying to put into them.
I really don't have much criticism seeing how I didn't *fully* do a *full* all-encompasing review for you, but, having read it before, I award you, and this story:
Mid-to-Upper King. (That's King)
You're getting close to Legend, but you're not quite there yet. I was impressed with this story, Poller, and I hope you keep it up for the later adds that come.
Welcome, Poller5. You are now a King of The Ancient Scrolls. Congratulations.

25-May-2008 15:05:38

[#DTGU0KGCF]

[#DTGU0KGCF]

Posts: 12,435 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
I believe *someone*****. you) promised to read some adds on a story by *someone else*****. me) to even out the post differences in stories...
EDIT: Eh, censor.
Basically, read mah stowee.

27-May-2008 09:01:55 - Last edited on 27-May-2008 09:03:22 by [#DTGU0KGCF]

Poller5
Dec Member 2023

Poller5

Posts: 11,421 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
~*Chapter Eight: Dining with Gladiators*~
A few days following his excursion to the temple, Halldór’s mind had once more been firmly gripped by the cycle, a self-perpetuating loop of thoughts of dishonour, of shame and defeat, constantly flowing through his mind. As the days wore on, the thoughts grew in malignant potency, eventually causing all to be ignored – food from two days ago sat untouched by the flap in the door. Eventually, those who provided the food to the prisoners realized that the food was not being eaten, and though concern was not great for most, when the news reached Roghr, his ears did indeed perk up.
A heavy knock on his door did little to disturb Roghr from his reverie, and Roghr entered unnoticed by the sole denizen of the room. A sharp slap to the face, followed by a gruff voice saying, "You’re doing little good to few by starving yourself to death, lad."
A shocked Halldór whirled around, and his stomach deigned to grace the room with a rumbling growl, eliciting a short laugh from both Halldór and Roghr. Halldór leapt up from his bed towards the food, eagerly devouring the lukewarm meat and bread, stopping only to gulp down water. After he had finished all the food, he returned to the bed with a small smile on his face. "I guess I should be thanking you, then."
"Aye," came the reply. "I suppose you should, but I’m not much for caring. I did what I had to." Roghr’s words seemed to catch Halldór off-guard, and no response was forthcoming. "I think it’s time you were introduced to the rest of the gladiators. Perhaps they’ll keep you from your self-imposed hell," Roghr said with a slight chuckle, and motioned for Halldór to come with him.
The walk through the stone hallways took them past many cells, some heavily guarded as was Halldór’s, others less guarded, and some, as they neared their destination, even sporting windows.

27-May-2008 21:13:09 - Last edited on 27-May-2008 21:28:58 by Poller5

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