The Muddy Brown Hues of Piscatoris
Chapter one
The moon hung low over the dimly lit fishing colony of piscatoris, far from the bright lights and sounds of the "big cities".
The Moon lit up the colony, and it was with gratitude that the populous of the dark, damp and dreary settlement accepted this beautiful almost luminescent orb into their lives.
They are a strange people, the settlers of this north western Kandarin based settlement, their lives predominantly ran by the kindness of their mistress; "the ocean".
These peoples lives are made by the ocean, and whether they live long and prosper, or lead a short and pointless life is completely decided by the seas.
When a man comes of age in the colony it is common practice for this man to prove his worth, pulling in a huge catch, a measly one, or an average catch.
Often this one trip to sea can make or break a man in the colony, and many a young adolescent man has lost his life on the dangerous shores and surrounding seas.
The waters of north western Kandarin are harsh and full of many threats, "Floor neeks", "Half eaten sandwiches" and many other deadly breeds lurk the murky unforgiving waters of these lands, and none more deadly than the fabled "Sea Scrat".
Piscatoris was a stand out part of the kingdom of Kandarin a city of dull hues of brown and greys, and the last bastion of hope against the undying and horrific threat of the "Sea Scrat".
Standing up to 4ft2 and wielding an impressive knowledge of only the deepest slews from the darkest and dankes* corners of these treacherous waters.
"The sea scrat is a standalone warrior, usually hunting alone and posing no real threat to colonies or cities alike.
But lately, lately we cannot say that this is always the case.
They are learning, becoming stronger, smarter and they are an ever present, always increasing threat to our peaceful fishing ways.
We must act soon.
Or face our doom."- The extracts of the diary of one "Herman Caranos".
It is the 15th day of the month of Bennath in the 2nd year of the 6th age.
Much time has passed since the events of the battle of Lumbridge, though it still seems to weigh heavily on all of the population of Gielinors minds.
The power of the gods.
Such destructive forces.
Though far from the remains of the battlefield, the young and supple "Neekbait47" was coming of age, and soon to receive the honors of his initiation into manhood.
The hunt.
2 years younger than his dashingly beautiful sister "notadude420", Neekbait was 16 years of age, and ready to tackle the world with a go get'em attitude.
He was a strong boy, perceived to be the last hope of the ravaged colony.
He stood a heft 6ft and 5 inches with a head of waaaavy hair thats colour almost matched the dreary browns of the colony itself.
He was the typical piscatorian, strong, tall, proud and incredibly over-confident about his ability to catch a measly little monkfish.
He sat on the shores of the ocean, net in hand looking out over the crashing and foaming waves, longing for his moment, to become a hero.
When a figure approached behind him.
"Gwarn witchu neek*y fam it's ya boi it's ya boi El doggy hype dizzle" was bellowed at neekbait from behind his back.
Both startled and aroused neekbait took to his feet, ready to take to the arms of his girlishly small lover.
El was a shortish boy, of 19 years. El had horrifically failed his test of manhood and was an outcast in the colony, living on the beaches.
When asked about El various members of the colony can recall a time where sea-trolls came to kidnap somebody from the colony for ransom, found El sleeping but decided to leave him where he layed as his odor was too much for their almost sentient noses.
An interesting fact about Sea trolls that, through all of the muscle, blubber and their combat prowess they can be defeated simply by a strong aroma.
"El, my friendo my friendo, I love you my friendo" replied neekbait.
"innnnnit" hollered El.
Before these two young lads could embrace any further there was a very scrattling noise.
It was the town bell.
Neekbait and El seperated from their loving hold and made their way gently to the town hall, where it would shortly be announced that Neekbait had come of age and who he was taking with him on this perilous journey.
The town hall was packed, the whole of north western Kandarin has attended. This was clearly a big day for not just Neekbait but all of Piscatoris.
The townsfolk had gotten dressed up in their most beautiful clothes, oh you should have seen it, the colours.
The greys.
The browns.
Herman Caranos the towns mayor was even wearing clothes that were barely stained by monkfish guts at all.
This was a beautiful aesthetic event for all attending.
Herman proceeded to make the announcement.
"Well as I am sure plenty of you already know, or you wouldn't be here I'm sure" he bellowed.
"As of today, our young Neekbait is a man!" he roared, enthusiastically.
You could tell from how he had said it that he had great hopes for Neekbait.
"AND WHAT A MAN" somebody cried out from the crowd.
Neekbait smirked, though El was clearly unhappy. Gazing in from outside the town hall through a small dusty window.
Herman chuckled.
His love for Neekbait was no secret, for he was after all his father.
Neekbaits full name was Neekbait47 Caranos the 2nd, Though he did not often like to admit it.
"It is a shame, it seems the only person unable to attend was young Neekbaits sister "notadude420"."
"Though I am sure she will arrive presently."
Not even a moment after these words had left Hermans dry, salty lips, the door swung open, and in walked a stranger. A short, slender man with a long black beard.
Standing not even at 5ft tall, the stranger seemed almost a joke when he barked out the following.
"I will be joining your son on this expedition and journey of character" he muttered.
For such a rough, beardy little man, it seemed strange but his voice was mesmerisingly beautiful.
Almost like a sirens song.
The attendees of the meeting were clearly astounded by this outrageous event, as none of them dared to even speak.
"Very dangerous these waters, your son will need someone who is more than just a fisherman, someone who can wield a harpoon with poise, and..." he paused there, and chuckled to himself.
"General manly traits that I clearly bare." he finished.
Herman was shocked.
He could think only to say "and I expect that you would demand a large amount of pay for said task? Forget it, we are a humble and proud people."
"I ASK NOTHING" the stranger interrupted, "Only to aid your son on this journey of character".
Herman paused, and sighed a sigh the likes that you have never even dreamed of sighing, not even mid sigh whilst thinking of sighs.
It was truly a mighty sigh, the type of sigh that could rival even Po-Sigh-Don.
"Very well, I leave the choice to my son, but I will tell you Neekbait, that if you do not accept this man you will be a man short. It was hard enough finding anyone brave enough to fare these waters in the present day".
"Alright, I accept your help strange one, but what do I call you friendo?" replied Neekbait.
"You can call me babez, and before you ask, NO I am not out tomozz". giggled the stranger, in a very girlish manner.
"Very well" Proclaimed Herman.
"You leave as soon as is possible!".
Barely a moment had passed and it seemed that the crowd had gently pushed the would be crew outside and to their ship, which could only be described as probably more dangerous than a death-trap.
Neekbait, El and babez were joined by an old seafarer, the type that had clearly seen many a sail and many a wave tall enough to sink cities.
The old seadog's name was Jacobs Fingers a name given to him because of his lack of fingers at birth.
Instead the old man had hooks for fingers, that regularly got stuck in the oars.
But he was a true sailor
It barely seemed that they had been at sea for an hour or two when the beardy little man decided to de-beard himself.
"notadude420!!!"
"What on earth are you doing? You know that women are not allowed to sail in our colony! We are turning this boat around now!" pleaded Neekbait
"You need me! You are barely able to hold a bloody net Neekbait! You might be 9ft4 but you are not a true fisherman!" replied notadude420
Jacobs fingers had spent this entire time gawping at the sheer beauty of notadude420.
Her hair blacker than night and her jade eyes brought colours to the colony that were not usually seen among the sea of brown and grey.
Her eyes could rival the beauty of a noxious scythe on your first araxxor trip.
Her hair was so dark that it was said amongst the men of the colony that if you looked long enough you could see into your own soul. (I am not sure how this analogy came about, if somebody has a big thing for hair in Piscatoris or what? I have my money on David Mendleburg personally)
But before the two fighting siblings could finish their quarrel their boat was brushed against.
"What was that?" Said the old fingerless coot that is Jacobs Fingers.
"Probably just a monkfish" responded neekbait "but back to the..." Neekbait was interrupted by another brushing, this time on both sides of the boat at once.
"Maybe a floor neek?" he continued...
Out of the water sprang a Sea Scrat, a huge one. This one was abnormally large, maybe even upwards of 5ft.
It landed on the front of the boat, and stood there, eyeing up his would-be prey.
This Scrat was a murky blue, with a general humanoid figure.
There was but one key difference, it was not that the Sea Scrat had gills, fins or anything else aquatic at all.
For the Sea Scrat is not actually from the sea.
It is just jamming there because it has real bad dry-mouth from a dirty sesh at the shed with JoshPageBongKing and Jamie hoodrat the woodrat Woods.
It made a move, sudden, fast and deadly.
With one move it had struck both Neekbait and Snacobs Fingers down into the water, and it did not look like either of them would be coming up again, as it took a mere second after they hit the water for multiple more Scrats to surround the would be corpses and drag them to their watery grave.
El and Notadude420 stood on the boat, eyes locked with the Scrat waiting for any sudden moves.
El was clearly heartbroken about the loss of his lover, but he was too smart to attack head on, he knew that he had but one chance at surviving this.
El jolted the boat to the side throwing the Scrat off balance and before it could regain its poise he had struck out, he pulled the Scrats shirt over its face blinding it.
The Scrat was not ready for the onslaught of backpunches that El threw at it.
It could respond only with a headlock, to which El replied "Peak 4 u I actually put some points into headlock resistance now fam!!! Now who's the babez!!!"
"YOU AIN'T GONNA BE OUT TOMOZZ FAM" El shouted in his enraged spirit.
He proceeded to batista bomb the scrats into oblivion.
One by one they attacked but one by one they fell.
Notadude420 looked on lovingly at her now deceased brothers ex lover.
Some say that in this moment, above the murky, now red with blood waters of the sea troll ridden sea, Notadude420 fell in love.
A forbidden love, for El was not exactly into that.
El specifically tended to like young al kharidian slave boys, tall varockian men, and the old seers from seers village.
El loved them all.
But he could not love a woman, it was beneath his self-claimed patrician ways.
Notadude420 wept a thousand tears in that one moment, for she could not ever have this titan of a man, this yung god, this trap prince extreme king of based situations and killing of bong-wielding sea scrats.
And then she realized.
She reached down to the deck of the boat, moving her hands quickly but surely around the bottom of the boat, clearly searching for something.
She had found it.
She let out a sigh of relief.
She had found the old black beard that she had used to deceive the colonists and her family so that she could come on this outing.
She put the now salty and crusty old disease ridden husk of dog hairs on her face again, and she moved towards El.
El turned around and in that moment his lips met with Notadude420.
Their lips seperated.
And all El could say
was "Babez".
WE WILL BE BACK WITH MORE EL AND NOTADUDE420 RELATED HEROISM SHORTLY
WE WILL BE BACK WITH MORE EL AND NOTADUDE420 RELATED HEROISM SHORTLY
WE WILL BE BACK WITH MORE EL AND NOTADUDE420 RELATED HEROISM SHORTLY
WE WILL BE BACK WITH MORE EL AND NOTADUDE420 RELATED HEROISM SHORTLY
WE WILL BE BACK WITH MORE EL AND NOTADUDE420 RELATED HEROISM SHORTLY
WE WILL BE BACK WITH MORE EL AND NOTADUDE420 RELATED HEROISM SHORTLY
WE WILL BE BACK WITH MORE EL AND NOTADUDE420 RELATED HEROISM SHORTLY
WE WILL BE BACK WITH MORE EL AND NOTADUDE420 RELATED HEROISM SHORTLY
WE WILL BE BACK WITH MORE EL AND NOTADUDE420 RELATED HEROISM SHORTLY
WE WILL BE BACK WITH MORE EL AND NOTADUDE420 RELATED HEROISM SHORTLY
