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ironpariah

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This businessman retires, he’s had a good life, made a lot of money, ready to take it easy. He’s driving around the countryside one day and he sees this farm with a couple horses running up and down this hill, over and over. He’s just amazed by these horses, they look so fast to him.

So he pulls in the driveway and goes up to the farmhouse. He meets the farmer and asks about the horses. “Well, that one there with the white splotch above his nose is Hank, and that one with the white spot under his chin is Frank, they’re brothers.” So the businessman watches for awhile with the farmer, chatting the day away, watching Hank and Frank going up and down the hill. Finally, as the sun is going down he asks the farmer if he’d be willing to sell them. “Well, I hadn’t really thought about it, we always like having horses on the farm, but I’m old now, not much for riding. I guess we could part with them, to someone who’d care for ‘em.” So he makes a deal with the farmer to come and get the horses in a week, have a vet check them out, the whole shebang.

He goes home and the next day he immediately contracts to have a stable built, a vet to check the horses, buys a big truck and trailer for the horses, feed, hay, everything he needs to properly take care of his new horses. He even contacts an old family friend he knows use to train horses.

A week passes, the horses check out fine and he brings him back to his house, now a proper ranch. The trainer comes over and checks out Hank and Frank, running up and down the hillside all day just like at the old farmer’s. The trainer is mighty impressed with the fine animals, young and strong, and asks the businessman if he’d thought about racing them. He hadn’t thought of it, but he’s retired and has time, seems like racing horses is what old businessmen do. Next thing you know he’s hired the trainer, found two local lads to ride Hank and Frank, and registered him for the town races.

26-Aug-2018 21:50:48

ironpariah

Posts: 4,519 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

So the day of the town races comes along, the businessman is beaming, just happy to have found something new and exciting to do, the trainer feeling like a young man again, the two young jockeys (Stan and Dan) nerves all bundled up ready to go. Hank and Frank, they don’t hardly seem to notice that anything is going on.

The horses are led to the blocks and the last one’s loaded, gun fires, and the gates open!

And Hank and Frank just bolt out of there, Stan and Dan almost left behind as they hold on tight. And at the quarter point Hank and Frank have already left the other horses well behind, 3 lengths already and just leaving them further behind.

At the halfway mark it’s Hank and Frank by 6 lengths, Hank and Frank neck and neck. Then at the last turn, Hank and Frank by 10 lengths, 11 lengths.

Coming to the line by 20! lengths, it’s Hank and Frank. Hank and Frank Hank and Frank… Hank wins!

And the businessman and the trainer and the jockeys are bursting with excitement and joy, the crowd is blown away, and it’s just an amazing win.

Well now he’s gotta enter the horses in the County Races, you just can’t have a pair of horses like that and NOT race them. He gets new silks for Stan and Dan, Stan with green and yellow checkers, Dan with blue and white checkers, he builds himself a mantle over the fireplace for his trophy, and he hires on the trainer fulltime.

The County Races comes along, the businessman is beaming, shaking hands with the other owners, the trainer confident as he watches, Stan and Dan proud in their brand new silk. Hank and Frank just go along with it all, never giving anyone a second look.

Then the horses are led to the blocks and the last one’s loaded, gun fires, and the gates open!

And Hank and Frank bolt out of there, Stan and Dan ready for the wild ride this time, silks whipping in the wind. At the quarter point Hank and Frank have already left the other horses well behind, 2 lengths already and just leaving them further back.

26-Aug-2018 21:51:00

ironpariah

Posts: 4,519 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

At the halfway mark it’s Hank and Frank by 5 lengths, Hank and Frank neck and neck. Then at the last turn, Hank and Frank by a good 10 lengths, and they just seem to get faster!

Coming to the line by 18 lengths, it’s Hank and Frank! Hank and Frank Hank and Frank Hank and Frank… Hank wins!

And it’s just amazing, no one’s seen anything like these two horses, and well now he’s gotta race them in the State Championship!

The big race comes along, now everyone’s talking about these horses, Hank and Frank. You can see the nervousness in the other owner’s eyes, even some of the jockeys. There can’t be two horses like this can there?

And the horses are brought to the gates, Stan and Dan sitting proud atop them. Stan in green and yellow checks, Dan in blue and white. The last horse is put into the gates, and then they’re off!

Coming to the first turn it’s Hank and Frank, just leaving everyone in their dust again. Heading down the backstretch, at the halfway mark by 5 lengths, pulling away, 6 lengths, 7 lengths. Coming ‘round the last turn, it’s Hank and Frank by 8 lengths, coming towards the finish, 10…12 lengths it’s Hank and Frank. Hank and Frank neck and neck Hank and Frank Hank and Frank… Hank wins!

Well now there’s no doubt about it, what kind of horses can these be? Why the businessman doesn’t have any choice but that he’s gotta enter them in the Kentucky Derby!

And the businessman counts the days while the trainer trains, the jockeys jockey, and through it all the horses just love running up and down that hill all day, up and down.

So now THE big race comes around, all the best horses from the country, all the richest owners. Laughing when a reporter mentions Hank and Frank, why they’re just horses that have been running against nags this whole time!

26-Aug-2018 21:51:14

ironpariah

Posts: 4,519 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

The trumpets blare, thousands upon thousands of fans in the stands, in the middle of the track. Giant stupid flowered hats and pretentious drinks, the rich and the drunks and the everyday man all gathered for the event.

The blocks are filled, the horses are off!

And coming around the first turn it’s close, all the best horses, but there are Hank and Frank, pulling out a length ahead. Coming down the backstretch, Hank and Frank never slowing, 2 lengths, 3 lengths, 5 lengths coming around the bend.

Coming down the final stretch, Hank and Frank far in the lead, 8 lengths, 9 even.

Hank and Frank Hank and Frank Hank and Frank…. Hank wins!

And the crowd is nuts, the businessman and trainer, the jockeys Stan and Dan all in the winner’s circle with the flowers and press.

So the Preakness is just two weeks later, and what do Hank and Frank do just as soon as they get home. Up and down that hill all day. The businessman just watching them as he sits in his chair, trophies up on the mantle. Up and down, up and down.

Two weeks come, the horses all being led to the gates. Stan in his green and yellow checks, Dan in blue and white. The horses in the gates, the bell rings, and they’re off!

Into the first turn it’s close, the best horses in the country running, and there’s Hank and Frank, just pulling ahead.

Coming down the backstretch, Hank and Frank pulling ahead, 2, 3 lengths.

Around the last turn and coming to the finish, it’s Hank and Frank up by 6 lengths, neck and neck, nose and nose.

Hank and Frank Hank and Frank Hank and Frank… Hank wins!

26-Aug-2018 21:51:28

ironpariah

Posts: 4,519 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

And the crowd is really incensed, because now we have another Triple Crown contender, and his biggest rival is his brother, and by the same owner even!

But when they get back to that ranch, there go Hank and Frank again, up and down that hill. Everyday, all day, just playing, running up and down that hill.

Then it’s the biggest day, the Belmont Stakes. All of the national press there, the international press even, waiting to see if this could be the year.

The horses led to the gates.

Stan in his green and yellow checks, Dan in blue and white.

Led to the gates, the last horse in…and they’re off!

And Hank and Frank are right there nose and nose, the horses challenging them, riders determined to beat this pair.

At the quarter length it’s too close to tell, but then you can see the white splotch of Hank, the white spot of Frank, pulling ahead.

Coming to the half way point, Hank and Frank up by a length, pulling away, jockeys cursing in frustration.

Around the last turn, Hank and Frank blazing, even faster now, foaming as they feel the line coming up, neither horse giving the other an inch, the pack fading 5 lengths behind. Never fading, neck and neck.

Hank and Frank… Hank and Frank… Hank and Frank… It’s a photo finish…

Hank wins!

26-Aug-2018 21:51:37

ironpariah

Posts: 4,519 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

And it’s unbelievable, a Triple Crown winner, the two best horses anyone’s ever seen, the businessman dumbstruck at everything around him, the grounds crew afraid the stands will collapse with all the pandemonium.

When it’s all done, the businessman returns to his ranch, mantle overflowing with trophies, his pipe in hand as he watches Hank and Frank up and down that hill.

He’s retired now, Hank and Frank living well, still playing. Up and down that hill, over and over. Until one day, as they’re taking a break from their playing, grazing for grass and roots, tasty flowers, Frank is along the fence when he sees a dog.

The dog walks over to him and says, “Hey, aren’t you that horse Frank that ran in all those big races?”

“Yes, I am” said Frank.

“Well, I have to ask you, how come in all those races, how come Hank never let you win one?”

Frank had never thought of that, and that was a good question. “Well, I never thought of that, that’s a good question,” he said to the dog. “Let me go find out.” And so he went over down to where his brother Hank was grazing.

“Hey Hank, that dog over there just asked me, how come you never let me win any races?”

Hank looks over at the dog for a second, then back at his brother and says, “Get real, dogs can’t talk!”

26-Aug-2018 21:51:48

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