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Dreamweaver's Assorted Tales

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Dreamweaver
Aug Member 2003

Dreamweaver

Posts: 3,790 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
.o~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~o.
<~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ALLLLL CHAAAAANGE! ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~>
'o~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~o'

"Alllll Chaaaaange!"
It didn't help that the shriek was annoyingly high-pitched, though most Dorgeshuun can't really help that.
Nor did it help that the piercing yell was uttered in a tunnel with some of the worst accoustics in the civilized world. Imagine an ant screaming inside a tin can and magnify it up a few magnitudes and you get the idea.
But despite these shortcomings, this particular tunnel was crowded. Very crowded.
"Quiet!" shushed the Station Master, dressed smartly in the blue and green uniform of The Underground Big Electric Railway (TUBER).
"Sorry sir," muttered the over-enthusiastic Assistant Station Supervisor (acronym withheld). "I'm just practising."
"Well don't! What under earth is 'all change' supposed to mean anyway?"
"It's in the Operations Handbook, sir. 'All change' is used to inform the passengers that the train has reached its termination and that they should all disembark for connecting services," the (acronym withheld) proudly recited from memory.
"Well first of all, the Tuber hasn't arrived yet so there aren't any passengers to hear you. And second of all there's only two stations. You go from Keldagrim to here, and get off. Or you go from here northwards and get off. There are no connecting services, you crazy (acronym withheld)."
Anyway, their little argument isn't the point of this story. It was just a way of framing the tale with an introduction that screamed "change" so blatantly that none could deny that the rules of the contest had been adhered to. Our real tale starts somewhere quite different...

29-Jan-2009 06:11:15 - Last edited on 29-Jan-2009 06:15:16 by Dreamweaver

Dreamweaver
Aug Member 2003

Dreamweaver

Posts: 3,790 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
"Hey, this is quite different," mused a rabbit, chittered a ground squirrel and muttered a local farmer who all happened to be in the same potato field outside Draynor Village, but we'll focus on the farmer because the other two have forgotten and moved on already.
"That can't be good. That felt like a ground tremor under me spuds. Gosh, I 'ope we 'ent gettin' earthquakes 'ere, or an infestation of evil turnips. That's gonna play total 'avoc with me land values and productivity 'an such."
The farmer then launched into the country bumpkin mumblings of an old man with no academic learning whatsoever, yet who could inverse cube root his projected acreage yield distribution against four different weather models through parametric algorithms in his head, all while picking his teeth with a straw stalk.
"Blimey, I've gots to see about rotatin' into cabbages in three seasons time," he concluded shortly, just before a sinkhole opened up and his entire field dropped about twenty feet into the previously non-existent crater.
Hang on, hang on. That can't be the point of the story. I mean, a farmer lost his field unexpectedly, but that's hardly gripping narrative is it? Let's go back to Dorgesh-Kaan after all. I think I had a better thing going on down there.
"Excuse me, what time is it?" asked one of the many spectators of the Station Master.
"It is 23 minutes past four," he replied without even needing to check a clock. She will be arriving in two minutes, sir."
Indeed, a low rumble could be felt, then heard. The crowd, previously noisily excited, were suddenly hushed, save the odd muted whisper of "is that it?" and "here it comes!"
The rumble grew in layers and intensity, metallic scrapes and clackety bangs adding to the ever-growing volume of noise emanating from the dark tunnel to the north. And then it arrived!

29-Jan-2009 06:15:26 - Last edited on 29-Jan-2009 06:17:24 by Dreamweaver

Dreamweaver
Aug Member 2003

Dreamweaver

Posts: 3,790 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
With an explosive spray of soil and potatoes, the train entered the station, sending the crowd into a bizarre half-cheer, half-panic. The Station Master's jaw dropped as roots and root vegetables ricocheted around him.
"Laaaaaadies and gentlemen," screamed the (acronym withheld) above the cacophony as the train ground to a halt, "the Tuber has arrived on platform one!"

~Dreamweaver~
January, 2009

29-Jan-2009 06:17:50 - Last edited on 29-Jan-2009 06:18:40 by Dreamweaver

Dreamweaver
Aug Member 2003

Dreamweaver

Posts: 3,790 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
And this is just a shameless self-bump.
Should I be ashamed of bumping myself? Well that depends on what I bumped myself on and the circumstances at the time, of course. This evening at work I bumped myself on a shelf and split the skin on my left hand a little. Ouch! Not particularly pleasant, I readily admit, but was I ashamed? Fortunately no one saw my little accident, so no, I was not particularly ashamed. Just a bit irked, really. Oh and my hand's alright now, thanks. It'll heal up in a day or two, that's for sure.
So yeah, a self-bump, which is shameless.
:P

07-Feb-2009 06:13:11 - Last edited on 07-Feb-2009 06:14:47 by Dreamweaver

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