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Suite of Seasons

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Sick Stakes

Sick Stakes

Posts: 38 Bronze Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Where a river flowed to revitalise those that sought it, abundant animal communities took sanctuary from the malice of the inferno, cool waters mending the burns of both land and beast, and, in turn, each through the other. At the widest parts of the waterway, small pockets of air devoid of smoky pollutant allowed rudimentary comfort to be attained. Each meek ripple caught little light projected by the sun, now shrouded with a toxic storm cloud, and instead beamed a red smile as the embers reflected in their undulating mirth.

The biggest trees grew around the water. Currently, they remained pristine, irrigated by the proximal flows of the stream throughout the hottest weeks, and yet untouched by the flames threatening to defile them. At this stage, the inferno had intensified with the fuel dedicated to its constant growth, and the passing of the day aiding the momentum it was able to gather.

In one last, spirited charge, the fire front surged forth, sprinting across the canopy and corroding each trunk in its wake, plumes of smoke coughing up from the vegetation in its last breaths, worn quickly through attrition. Once it neared the river bank, it climbed down to the floor with careful swiftness, tiptoeing toward the base of the larger trees. Here, the soil was opulent with moisture.

The flames took momentary pause before leaping forward on to the trunks of the trees, clinging on to grooves in the bark and inching their way up to the canopy. Though the vegetation adjacent to the river put up greater resistance, the conflagration had developed to too great an extent to contravene the eclipse of greenery, and the base of each tree eventually gave away and collapsed into the river, fully ablaze as the roots pulled bank into water, the soup congealing as mud. Advancing embers on both sides claimed any undergrowth left.

22-Dec-2014 02:48:06

Sick Stakes

Sick Stakes

Posts: 38 Bronze Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
At the day’s conclusion, when night fell quickly over an already darkened scene, the subtle glow of the forest floor’s embers gave character to a place of destitution. Where great monuments of nature had previously stood, the flicker of a light as perennial as the permeating darkness demonstrated comparably relative might, the aftermath of an event which eclipsed the growth and progress of centuries; the unimaginable touch of Time.

When the tribulation concluded, a landscape crafted by centuries of growth had been lost. A dense rainfall followed the fervent incineration, and that had purified the tainted river and dissolved the ash into the soil. Without the seemingly impenetrable stance of the plants once in existence, the vast downfalls were allowed to soak every particle of soil, piercing deep into the ground to serve as nourishment for thousands of days to come.

After the transpiration of all the destruction, the untrained eye of a vagrant passer-by may see a desolate wasteland, bereft of the striking greenery which epitomises the essence of nature, which royally did wear his crown of weeds, and the delicate fruits, and the splendorous flowers.

In such the case it would be highlighted that, when the surrounds are least striking and warrant anonymity, it is then when it is more important to involve the senses, and to explore every hideaway which could cover not only what is unremarkable, but so to what is remarkable.

For at the sites where gargantuan trees once stood, new stems emerged from soft soils, as had wild buds amongst grassy dissemination which once carpeted the area. In each of their own communities, explosions of pinks and reds and blues and yellows punctuated a scene that, as one would never be so astute to, had a recent past of penury.

22-Dec-2014 02:48:16

Sick Stakes

Sick Stakes

Posts: 38 Bronze Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Beneath the ground, long fingers stretched towards moisture, complex irrigation systems carved out by the earth dwellers aiding the transfer of water in to the freshly germinated seeds, programmed to blossom and grow to form the shell of a new ecosystem, equipped with gentle birdsongs and the rustling of mammalian creatures, intertwined by the sweeping vines which join tree to tree, making one from many.

Such is the irrevocability of what’s awful; any act of desecration is ephemeral, but the impetus to more splendid fervour in regrowth abiding. No matter how whimsical the weather, or temperamental is time, nothing can surpass, overcome, eclipse the obdurate grandeur of nature.

22-Dec-2014 02:48:24

Cozmic

Cozmic

Posts: 16,435 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Hey! :)

I'm really glad to see some activity around here. Here's some feedback on your first story on this thread:

I recommend that you make the language a lot simpler and easier to understand. Most fiction these days is written straight and to the point, starting immediately with a "hook" that catches the reader's interest. Descriptions are very valuable, but the most powerful descriptions in literature are the ones which are concise and to the point.

Anyway, sorry if description was what you were going for, already knowing what I said above. There are definitely a lot of different ways to write a story. Please reply, and I'll see if I can give some more feedback. :)

Again, thanks for posting!

23-Dec-2014 09:44:59

Sick Stakes

Sick Stakes

Posts: 38 Bronze Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Hi Cozmic, thanks for reading. This collection is written in the Romantic style which is often very heavy with description and complex language, and is used to complement the intense natural scenery. If I write something longer, I'll definitely try to simplify it as per your comments. This is more of a literary exercise than a piece of enjoyable fiction.

Again, thanks a lot for reading, I appreciate it.

23-Dec-2014 10:52:11

Azigarath

Azigarath

Posts: 9,271 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Hello. This story portrays a forest, animals such as squirrels and sheep, a wandering woman (possibly an animal) in winter, first-person narration for one season, and then describes the forest fire and following regeneration. I will admit I got a bit lost in the winter part.

Oh, hey Cozmic. I would agree with Coz, and the story had a bit too much wordiness though it does fortify the descriptions. Mechanically, the story is really good, though at times felt more like descriptions rather than a tale. Reading your reply to Coz, if a Romantic piece was what you intended then it’s perfectly alright on its own. Poetic elements are done very well, too, as you obviously know.

I don’t have much else to really say, though. As I often say on Wattpad, the best thing to do is to do whatever you want to. I think this is all for now.

25-Dec-2014 20:17:51

Sick Stakes

Sick Stakes

Posts: 38 Bronze Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
The stories are intended to be seen as individual statements, and not a flowing continuation.

Thanks a lot for your comments*****garath. I greatly appreciate the acknowledgment of the mechanics and poetic elements. That was the criticism when I had it featured in a literary magazine, funnily enough, that even for art's sake it was heavier on description than the tale allowed. I don't mind the stagnant effect though, really, to me it makes it almost like a painting. :)

What's Wattpad?

Thanks again for reading.

03-Jan-2015 00:44:09

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