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The World in Flames
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It was written well, you have a good style of writing and I think you're a good author, the only thing I'm not sure about is the fact that the God's are walking about on Gielinor, this just wouldn't happen. The God's govern from the heavens, they no longer take on a mortal form. What you could've done is represent their elements, for example, the creatures of Saradomin and the beasts of Zamorak would come to their aid, such as something like this:
"Dante raised his sword towards the Knights of Zamorak, the motion incensed the very god himself, and an ominous storm cloud began to brew, as if warning him to stand down. Rain began to fall, first a gentle spit, then it gained force and quantity, heavily showering the men of Saradomin. Zamorak protected his loyal men from getting wet, there was not a drop of water upon them. But all of a sudden, flying through the rain, untouched, was a dove. The men looked up. And that was when Dante struck. Saradomin had sent his messenger as a diversion."
Just a rough idea of what I would've done if writing this style of story. Other than that, awesome so far
.
Am I right in saying we're not allowed to advertise our own stories on here?
"Dante raised his sword towards the Knights of Zamorak, the motion incensed the very god himself, and an ominous storm cloud began to brew, as if warning him to stand down. Rain began to fall, first a gentle spit, then it gained force and quantity, heavily showering the men of Saradomin. Zamorak protected his loyal men from getting wet, there was not a drop of water upon them. But all of a sudden, flying through the rain, untouched, was a dove. The men looked up. And that was when Dante struck. Saradomin had sent his messenger as a diversion."
Just a rough idea of what I would've done if writing this style of story. Other than that, awesome so far
.
Am I right in saying we're not allowed to advertise our own stories on here?
13-May-2009 17:01:21 - Last edited on 13-May-2009 17:01:41 by [#FG08YMCQD]
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