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The World in Flames
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These are five of me from a few minutes ago when I finished reading that ending.
"Uh-oh,Dante's got a flamethrower! GET AWAY FROM THOSE CREDITS,DANTE!"
-Wigwam126 "How Can Mirrors Be Real If Our Eyes Aren't Real?" -Jaden Smith
21-Oct-2008 19:24:29 - Last edited on 21-Oct-2008 19:29:18 by Seph
P.S: Dante..*points left index finger* No flamethrowers allowed. You have to give it up.
Dante: Never!
Watch out! Psycho with a flamethrower! *grabs a machine gun and shoots Dante 50 times, walks over to him and kick him.* Okay, he's dead, no need to worry anymore (or maybe I lie >****; )
P.S.S: Fik, I'm kinda shooting for Early November to Mid December. But, I'll be sure to keep everyone posted.
22-Oct-2008 00:18:21 - Last edited on 05-Nov-2014 14:16:56 by Serene End
I hate to be somewhat of a killjoy, following comments about flamethrowers and wigwam cloning himself into 5
but it looks like I'm going to have to point out the dreaded SPELLING AND GRAMMAR ISSUES (shudder)
1.I see the word amuses used frequently(I amuse you are a vampire, He amused his father didn't believe him, etc) and the only definition I know of for that is like hahaha amused. I think you meant assumed.
2.The Zamorak assasin should be the Zamorakian assasin and the other lines where it says Zamorak near there should also be changed to Zamorakian (For future reference the worshippers of the main gods are called Zamorakians, Guthixians, and Saradominists)
3.Remove the first but from "It sounds strange but she may not be breathing but her heart still beats".
4.The characters repeat themselves a few times:
A.Did you see his expression when he was casting the spell? He didn't seem to like casting the spell.
B. "Don't worry, I know what I'm doing." Dante replied.
"For the sake of both of us, I sure hope you do know what you're doing."
5.Zamorak says to send vampires after THEM when he is only talking about Dante and it is never stated that he is with someone(so it should say him).
6. Strange sounding things:
A.Zamorak:"Annoyed more like but yeah pretty much." He sounds really indecisive there and stumbling for words. Thats not the Zamorak we know and love.
B."Its in a different language than the one normally spoken". Huh? Probably better to say something like: It's not in any language I've seen before.
7. Alot of random giggling in places where giggles make no sense.
8. "No need to appologized silly" should be apologize
P.S: These do not mean I didn't like it!
22-Oct-2008 01:44:44 - Last edited on 22-Oct-2008 01:53:17 by Ark Von Doom
P.S: Ark, I stupidly forgot to add you to my special thanks credits.
22-Oct-2008 02:13:49 - Last edited on 05-Nov-2014 14:17:20 by Serene End
You really are a good writer, its just that years of pouring over thousands of star wars novels (and owning almost every written document ever in runescape including a copy of the exploding white knight dossier which can never be regained and all of the ones you lose from quests (I took duplicates and dropped them before finishing) has honed my overreacting over errors skills to near superhuman levels! Which is why I must inform you for fear of my head exploding that "Yes, I'm annoyed at these inferior fools who dare to defy my orders." Zamorak replied with a bit of angry in his voice.
Should actually say with a bit of anger in his voice.
Oh woe is me, cursed to walk the earth handing out terrible unneeded corrections! I look forward to november when I will be able to read part 2 of your story!
P.S: My own story is doing nicely, and I only have to come up with names for two more characters (A dagganoth and one of the original gods of runescape (before Saradomin, Guthix, and Zamorak were in the picture)) before I can start writing like a crazy man!
22-Oct-2008 04:00:46 - Last edited on 22-Oct-2008 04:05:13 by Ark Von Doom
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