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Konan the Noob

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Teddy570
May Member 2022

Teddy570

Posts: 1,649 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Teddy570: Ladies and Gentlemen, we interrupt this important word from our sponsors to bring you: The chronicles of Konan the Noob. Yes, Konan, that both legendary and mythical figure whose very name echoes his great accomplishments, whose reputation outshines even the most legendary of legends, whose curries once poisoned an entire city! But we don't talk about that. Ladies and Gentlemen, our story begins on a humble Lumbridgian day, in a humble Lumbridgian Lumbridge. Here, in this most basic of towns, our story can officially commence. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Konan!
Konan: Hi.
Teddy570: No, you don't talk to them, they're the audience.
Konan: Who said that?
Teddy570: I'm the narrator, now get adventuring.
Konan: Adventuwha?
Teddy570: You know, adventuring, slay dragons, things like that.
Konan: Dragons?? Are you insane, magical voice in they sky??
Passerby: What an ironic thing to say.
Konan: They're like, monsters or something, no, I'm quite happy here.
Teddy570: Happy where? In this sad little city?
Konan: Hey, I take that personally.
Teddy570: Look, we're getting nowhere fast, couldn't you just do something exciting? The audience is getting bored.
Konan: What audience?? What are you talking about??
Teddy570: Look, just- hold on a moment.
(TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES. PLEASE CONTINUE TO READ THIS STORY AS THOUGH NOTHING WERE HAPPENI-
Konan: But where does the antelope go?
Teddy570: That's the magic of film, my friend.
Goblin: Pardon me, good sirs, is it my cue yet, it's getting dreadfully boring over here in this bovine field, not to mention the loathsome smell.
Teddy570: Oh yeah, you're on.
Goblin: Ah, splendid *ahem* Hey you, you money give now, yes?
Konan: Aggh, a giant!
Teddy570: Cut! Look, I told you already that-
(TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES)
Goblin: Money now, yes?
Konan: Yes. I will now hit you with this sack of gold pieces that was handed to me a moment ago. hi. oh, wait, no, hi yah.
Teddy570: Sigh.
(Don't change that channel)

21-Oct-2012 04:33:35

Teddy570
May Member 2022

Teddy570

Posts: 1,649 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Teddy570: And so our hero, having won over the loathsome goblin.
Goblin: Pardon, but I find that reprehensibly offensive.
Teddy570: Wait, you're alive?
Konan: I! Almost! Got! Him!
(Konan's swings with his sword go both wide and far)
Goblin: While I appreciate the breeze chap, wouldn't your time be better spent-
(Konan swings wildly, plunging headfirst into the river Lum.)
Goblin: Oh dear. Well, I'll be in my trailer if you'd like to try again.
Teddy570: You stay there, I'll get him. *Ahem* So, the brave hero, decided to strengthen his sword by dipping it in...um, the mystical mud at the bottom of
Konan: AGGHH, HELP, THEY'RE PECKING MY EYES OUT!
Duck: QUaaaaaAAaack!!
Teddy570: The things I put up with, just brush it off or something!
Konan: It's feet are like little knives!!
Teddy570: Oh for crying- And then a passerby came by to spare Konan the shame of hurting an innocent animal, so he could preserve his purity.
Passerby: Oh, what a cute little, OH GUTHIX MY EYES!!
Duck: QUaaaaack!
Teddy570: And then our hero walked back onto the shore, ready to defeat the gobli-
Konan: I think he went home.
Teddy570: What?
Konan: Yeah, he's gone. I think he took his trailer with him.
Teddy570: He never had a trailer, said he'd quit if I didn't give it to him, but I showed....oh.
Konan: So, should I be doing something right now?
Teddy570: Oh right, so then the hero, the goblin frightened by his might, began to search for a quest!
Konan: I am beginning to search for a quest!
Teddy570: He went into the kitchen of the castle to offer his assistance.
Konan: I am going into the castle kitchen to offer my assistance.
Teddy570: Stop copying me.
Konan: I am stopping copying you.
Teddy570: no, I'm serious. stop.
Konan: You are serious stop.
Teddy570: Just get the quest!
Konan: I will just get the quest!!
Cook: Will you stop shouting if I send you on an errand?
Konan: I am the biggest idio-
(The chef then kicks Konan out of hte kitchen.)

21-Oct-2012 04:33:48 - Last edited on 21-Oct-2012 04:44:50 by Teddy570

Teddy570
May Member 2022

Teddy570

Posts: 1,649 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to Konan the noob, a resurrection of a story i started many moons ago. I will put the table of contents here, hope you enjoy reading this.
Page 1: Technical difficulties

21-Oct-2012 04:34:06 - Last edited on 21-Oct-2012 04:45:52 by Teddy570

Teddy570
May Member 2022

Teddy570

Posts: 1,649 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Teddy570: The important thing to remember is not to forget.

Konan: Forget what?

Teddy570: You know, that thing.

Konan: What thing?

Teddy570: The thing.

Konan: Oh right, right. What thing?

Teddy570: Did you forget?

Konan: Forget what?

Teddy570: You know, the...wait.

Konan: Ha! Now you forgot!

Teddy570: No, I just can't remember

Konan: Remember what?

Teddy570: Stop that

Konan: *top what?

Teddy570: I can't remember.

Goblin: Update. You're supposed to update. Why do I stay around with these idiots?

Konan: Hey, thank....um.

Teddy570: You forgot that too? It's thank you!

Konan: You're welcome.

Teddy570: No, You say thank you

Konan: Thank me.

Teddy570: Not thank me!

Konan: Then thank who?

Teddy570: Thank you!

Konan: You're welcome.

Teddy570: AGGGGHHHG

Konan: No need to shout.

Teddy570: I beg to differ.

Konan: Okay, go ahead.

Teddy570: With what?

Konan: With differing.

Teddy570: What?

Konan: You were begging me a second ago.

Teddy570: What are you talking about?

Konan: I forget.

Teddy570: You forgot what??

Konan: I don't know.

Teddy570: You are infuriating.

Konan: And you are short-tempered.

Teddy570: No, I'm normally a patient man.

Konan: And what do the doctors say?

Teddy570: What doctors?

Konan: You said you're a patient, man.

Teddy570: I'm not A patient, I am patient!

Konan: What's the difference?

Teddy570: I'm not answering that.

Konan: Answering what?

Teddy570: Your question!

Konan: What question?

Teddy570: What's the difference between a patient and patient?

Konan: One's a verb and one's a noun.

Teddy570: I know that!!

Konan: Then why did you ask me?

Teddy570: I didn't!!

Konan: It sounded like you did.

Teddy570: AGGHAHAHGHAHGHGHAGAHAHHGAHGHGHAGA

Goblin: Don't change that channel, folks!

06-Feb-2013 16:43:21

Teddy570
May Member 2022

Teddy570

Posts: 1,649 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Chapter 3: Too many cooks...

Teddy570: And so our intrepid hero set out on a quest to find the ingredients for a birthday cake. A hero must after all show humility, and be willing to help out in even the smallest of ways.

Konan: Simple enough, find an egg. I can do that, but the question is where...

Duck: Quaaaaaa-

Konan: ....I'll make that plan B.

Teddy570: Chickens, Eggs come from chickens. Get going.

Konan: But where am I supposed to find of those?

Teddy570: Had you considered a farm?

Konan: A farm? What a great idea! But I hear the real estate market is down this year, and what with the drought-

Teddy570: What are you talking about?

Konan: I just don't think I should buy a farm right now.

Teddy570: Why do I talk to you?

Konan: You secretly hate yourself?

Teddy570: You've got part of that right.

Konan: My point is, I'm not buying a farm.

Teddy570: EGG, monkey, EGG.

Konan: Egg? Oh right, an egg! Here ducky ducky ducky...

Duck: QUAAAA!!!

(Back in Lumbridge)

Konan: Right, to the chicken farm.

(Konan wanders towards a chicken farm. Aren't you glad for these commentaries?)

Investigator: It appears the flesh was torn from the bones, whoever our cuplrit is, he has some kind of appetite for violence. Be on the lookout for any suspicious individuals, sir.

Duck: Quack?

Investigator: No I don't have any bread.

Duck: Quack!

Investigator: Not my problem.

Duck: QuuAAAA-

Konan: Ah, here we are. Say, what's the screaming sound?

Teddy570: Not our problem. Go find a chicken.

Konan: Ah, right. *Ahem* OOOGA BOOGA BOOGA!!

Chicken: cluck?

Konan: No good, this one isn't scared.

Teddy570: What?

Konan: This is no chicken.

Teddy570:....I'm going to kill you. slowly at first, then all at once...

Konan: Right. Well, the important thing to remember is to get an egg. There must be one here somewhere.

(After an hour's search, Konan manages to locate something)

Konan: Ah! I have found it! I'm the best hero ever!

Teddy570: Fine, whatever. The hero-

23-Mar-2013 18:47:51

Teddy570
May Member 2022

Teddy570

Posts: 1,649 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Teddy570: -returned to the castle to the delight of everyone involved.

Everyone involved: Delight!

Konan: Yes, I have found you an egg.

Cook: What are you talking about?

Konan: For the cake! Here you go.

Cook: Well, first of all this appears to be a rock of some kind, second of all I sent you on that quest a week ago. Not only did you miss the party, but there was ** cake, so I've been sacked.

Konan: Happy to have helped!

Cook: I hate my life.

Teddy570: You're not the only one.

Next time on Konan the Noob: Dueler? I hardly know her!

23-Mar-2013 18:50:53

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