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Feel the Silence
Quick find code: 49-50-531-56681643
Thanks! It's nice to see a new face around here. I appreciate the feedback
In other news...I'm gonna try to start adding again. There was something I wrote (over a year ago, during a class when I was bored) that I finally caught up to in the story. Large portions of this story have been written out of order. Anyway, I really liked that version of that scene and didn't want to rewrite it, so I've been waiting to post it until I found those pieces of paper.
Unfortunately, I'm home, and I was convinced they were here but I can't track them down. So I guess I have to rewrite that bit. I guess that's the danger of writing on random scraps of paper all the time. But now I know it's gone, I can just rewrite it and move on. I'm getting to some exciting parts of the story and it would be cool to have some semblance of momentum. Sooo...no promises, as things are a little crazy and I have lots of other writing projects, but I haven't forgotten this story and I plan to make some progress.
In other news...I'm gonna try to start adding again. There was something I wrote (over a year ago, during a class when I was bored) that I finally caught up to in the story. Large portions of this story have been written out of order. Anyway, I really liked that version of that scene and didn't want to rewrite it, so I've been waiting to post it until I found those pieces of paper.
Unfortunately, I'm home, and I was convinced they were here but I can't track them down. So I guess I have to rewrite that bit. I guess that's the danger of writing on random scraps of paper all the time. But now I know it's gone, I can just rewrite it and move on. I'm getting to some exciting parts of the story and it would be cool to have some semblance of momentum. Sooo...no promises, as things are a little crazy and I have lots of other writing projects, but I haven't forgotten this story and I plan to make some progress.
12-Jul-2013 19:22:50
Okay, so I have read up to the most recent set of adds, and I love this story. Now I have to endure the waiting that so many of you have grown to know.
Anyway, in terms of my comments on the story itself:
You are a very good writer. Scenes come to life from your words, and you develop characters that are easy to become attached to. Everything feels very real, and your biggest strength that I can see is your ability to convey the feeling of a scene.
For example, the battle in Falador is very chaotic and urgent, just as a battle should be. I could feel the balmy heat of the jungle, and the sadness in the room when Justine went to inform Lucas's parents....That was powerful.
Also, you have a very deep and interwoven plot. Part of me wants James to keep his discovery a secret, if only to make my own prediction about the eventual reunion come true. And shouldn't Justine be volunteering in a hospital? *hint hint*
Now, on to the (few) negatives:
You need an editor. Just plain and simple, there are a lot of technical errors, about one or two per post. For a normal reader it may not be a problem, but for someone as OCD as I am, it becomes an issue.
Keep the tone consistent so as not to undercut the biggest strength mentioned above. iChuk pointed one spot out earlier where Lucas is trying to build up resolve, then sarcastically dismisses it. It is a total break in tone, and it mars the scene.
Be careful to vary your words. In one particular instance, you said Sorokin five times in five sentences, and it was draining.
If possible, try to dodge the censor. I can fill in when it blocks letters in can't or completely deletes "ga$h," but sometimes it's a bit harder to decipher what is being omitted.
But still, epic work, and I look forward to the next set of adds.
Apologies for the wall of text.
Anyway, in terms of my comments on the story itself:
You are a very good writer. Scenes come to life from your words, and you develop characters that are easy to become attached to. Everything feels very real, and your biggest strength that I can see is your ability to convey the feeling of a scene.
For example, the battle in Falador is very chaotic and urgent, just as a battle should be. I could feel the balmy heat of the jungle, and the sadness in the room when Justine went to inform Lucas's parents....That was powerful.
Also, you have a very deep and interwoven plot. Part of me wants James to keep his discovery a secret, if only to make my own prediction about the eventual reunion come true. And shouldn't Justine be volunteering in a hospital? *hint hint*
Now, on to the (few) negatives:
You need an editor. Just plain and simple, there are a lot of technical errors, about one or two per post. For a normal reader it may not be a problem, but for someone as OCD as I am, it becomes an issue.
Keep the tone consistent so as not to undercut the biggest strength mentioned above. iChuk pointed one spot out earlier where Lucas is trying to build up resolve, then sarcastically dismisses it. It is a total break in tone, and it mars the scene.
Be careful to vary your words. In one particular instance, you said Sorokin five times in five sentences, and it was draining.
If possible, try to dodge the censor. I can fill in when it blocks letters in can't or completely deletes "ga$h," but sometimes it's a bit harder to decipher what is being omitted.
But still, epic work, and I look forward to the next set of adds.
Apologies for the wall of text.
17-Jul-2013 01:14:16
To be clear - I'm not making excuses. Just responding, I guess. Everything you say is completely accurate. Tone is an aspect of writing I still struggle with, so it's useful to have things like that pointed out to me.
Proofreading I will have to work on. That irks me. I should be better than that. And the censor...I hate the censor. I tend not to look at posts after I post them - I probably should, for proofreading, but I prefer to do that in Word. I don't always notice what the censor is doing to my work. Ugh. I'll keep an eye on that.
And as for your last comment - I'm painfully aware of how long this has been up
Sometimes I remind myself I've been working on this thing since sophomore year of high school and it blows my mind...and bugs me that after all that time, I'm only this far in the story. I'll be writing this thing for the rest of my life. But it's cool that this thread is like a time machine.
As determined as I am to finish this, I don't know that it'll ever be anything beyond a story on these forums, unless I decide one day to do a serious overhaul. These characters have been bouncing around for so long in my head - I don't write on here often, but I think about these guys nearly every day at some point. I think I view this now more as a challenge - to get it finished. But also as a sort of experiment - it has taken me so freaking long....this thread isn't just a time machine of my life, but also, I hope, of my progress in writing. I'd like to believe I've learned some things over the last few years, but I'm not entirely sure it shows. I am shamefully lazy when it comes to writing this story - a "get it done" mentality rather than "make it good." My philosophy as a writer is terrible first drafts and fix it later, and this is still a first draft. But hopefully some progress is visible.
Aaaaaanyway. Thanks again for your comments - they are very helpful. Sorry for rambling
I really appreciate the feedback.
Proofreading I will have to work on. That irks me. I should be better than that. And the censor...I hate the censor. I tend not to look at posts after I post them - I probably should, for proofreading, but I prefer to do that in Word. I don't always notice what the censor is doing to my work. Ugh. I'll keep an eye on that.
And as for your last comment - I'm painfully aware of how long this has been up
Sometimes I remind myself I've been working on this thing since sophomore year of high school and it blows my mind...and bugs me that after all that time, I'm only this far in the story. I'll be writing this thing for the rest of my life. But it's cool that this thread is like a time machine.
As determined as I am to finish this, I don't know that it'll ever be anything beyond a story on these forums, unless I decide one day to do a serious overhaul. These characters have been bouncing around for so long in my head - I don't write on here often, but I think about these guys nearly every day at some point. I think I view this now more as a challenge - to get it finished. But also as a sort of experiment - it has taken me so freaking long....this thread isn't just a time machine of my life, but also, I hope, of my progress in writing. I'd like to believe I've learned some things over the last few years, but I'm not entirely sure it shows. I am shamefully lazy when it comes to writing this story - a "get it done" mentality rather than "make it good." My philosophy as a writer is terrible first drafts and fix it later, and this is still a first draft. But hopefully some progress is visible.
Aaaaaanyway. Thanks again for your comments - they are very helpful. Sorry for rambling
I really appreciate the feedback.
17-Jul-2013 17:12:04
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