Hi kitty, I'm here as requested. Sorry for the late-ish reply (stuffs happens sometimes : o)
Overall it is well written, so I have had trouble thinking of something constructive to help. The peaceful descriptions work well for the pond scene and it is a nice introduction to the story just before things take a turn for the worse (I am assuming the news of his brother's death will cause distress and trigger events).
Depending on the scenes you write next you may want to time the descriptions/detail to the situation. For example, a fast pace fight scene might do best with short but vivid descriptions. Of course there could be fight scenes where the exact opposite is true :p. So keep in mind that this suggestion isn't mandatory and that you should go with what fits best for you as a writer and what fits best for the situation. This really isn't so much of a point for the current work, but rather an idea worth considering a little for the future.*
* (I am assuming you write more of it, go, go now and do it ^.^)
12-Sep-2011 06:10:41
- Last edited on
12-Sep-2011 06:14:27
by
Hodge172
