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The Feast

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Chosen Worf

Chosen Worf

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A crow flapped down through the mists, and lighted on a broken spear shaft.
He croaked, tearing through the thick silence, and twisted his jet-black eye towards the ground. There, soaking the grass beneath them, lay the ruined, bleeding remains of men. Some were of fair stature in life, lords of their time. Their limbs were once lithe and strong; their proud voices once sang ancient songs of joy and battle. But no more would the plows feel the strength of their hands, and no more would the hills and forests resound with the melodies of their rejoicing.
Beside those once-renowned men were strewn the carcasses of their enemies: black goblins, twisted, hideous, detestable to the eyes of men. They were smaller than men, the largest of them being no more than five feet tall; their skin was mottled black and green, like leaves that have been stricken with blights of the foulest order. Some still grasped blood-soaked scimitars, crudely forged in furnaces deep in the mountains. Many still wore the grimacing mask of battle on their swarthy fanged faces.
The crow blinked, and looked directly beneath it, towards the base of his perch.
A man sat there, propped against a fallen horse. A crusted trail of blood ran down from the side of his mouth. His blonde hair was now choked and matted with gore and mud; dust dulled his steely breastplate. But the crow's keen eye picked out the smallest of movements. The man's chest still rose and fell, ever so slightly.
The crow croaked again.
A small moment passed. Then the man slowly raised his face upwards, to peer through the mists at the black bird. He coughed, and began to speak.
"Now truly the end has come," he said despairingly. "The steward of the battlefield is come, in his midnight robes and never-satisfied appetite. I ask you only this, O Steward: spare my flesh from your table, that those who may search for my body may find me unmarred."
Then, suddenly, the man's chest heaved in a mighty cough, and the

10-May-2012 21:12:54 - Last edited on 10-May-2012 21:23:08 by Chosen Worf

Chosen Worf

Chosen Worf

Posts: 929 Gold Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
stream from his mouth ran anew with blood.
The coughs racked the man's body for a few moments, then slowly they faded into oblivion. Once again, silence permeated the mists.
The crow stared for a short while at the now-silent man. Then, with a twinkle of malice and spite in his obsidian eye, he fluttered down to his feast.
--- End ---

10-May-2012 21:20:12 - Last edited on 12-May-2012 21:49:11 by Chosen Worf

Areno3

Areno3

Posts: 12,906 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
It's late and with my short attention span at such times in the evening, you still have managed to intrigue me. I adored the piece. As stated above, it was well executed and had some pretty dark and deep themes that I picked right up on. I've always like stories with a more malevolent approach.
Good job. This is a very nice short story you have assembled. Best of luck to you in your future works, sir.
EDIT: I was thinking about it, and this could actually become a very nice full-lengthed story. You could easily have the lifeless man be a main character that falls in battle and is introduced in this manner. You give a lot of hints toward mysterious settings with goblins and mountains and what not. Honestly, you should make this into a real story. I would love to read it.

15-May-2012 03:32:13 - Last edited on 15-May-2012 03:45:25 by Areno3

Xereva

Xereva

Posts: 7,589 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
I read the first line of this piece and decided that I wanted to write a story about a crow on a battlefield—and then I read the rest, and of course that was exactly what you wrote. I have a powerful need to write it anyway, so you may find it somewhere on these forums. Hope you don't mind too much, since I'll likely come at it from an entirely different angle. ^^;
In any case, I very much enjoy the concept, and as always it's short and sweet. I agree that the description is a bit much, but since it's so short you wouldn't need to tone it down much at all to make it work better.

23-May-2012 16:07:13

Yam42

Yam42

Posts: 1,134 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
I've read this before, Worf, but never stopped by to offer feedback. I'm sorry that I didn't because this is rather good. I like that the perspective of the story focuses most on the man's interaction with the bird. I also found the title clever and very befitting the tale. Now, in order to avoid parroting what anyone else has said, I will conclude my commentary; however, I want you to know that you have written a truly excellent work.
It's short, sweet, and dramatically to the point.
Do you mind if I recommend this on my thread?

24-May-2012 17:24:43

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