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Englishkid62

Englishkid62

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I think that this chapter is certainly a bit more polished than the last. I don't find myself asking so many questions. The prose is really great, because you delivered various sentence structures to avoid monotony, and kept each sentences alive with verbs.

However, the first part of the chapter, as a reader, I felt there were more choices one could have thought of. Unless of course, stealing had never occurred to Rowan because he is so pure - most people might have that thought and then dismiss it.

The dialogue with that man with a roofless shed...well, it kind of turned a bit hostile towards the end, though not sure if this is what you intended.

And finally, you described somewhere with 'unbelievable speed'. Which might sound alright, of course. But the reader's standard of 'unbelievable' may well differ. It's your novel, after all, so anything is possible. Given that, but unbelievable ON TOP of anything can happen? Then he had to be inhumanly fast. It's probably best not to dwell into the territory of 'unbelievable' but rather, something like...

'With great speed'

'With incredible speed'

Etc.

Overall, good work.

30-Jan-2011 18:23:20

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31-Jan-2011 18:22:18

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