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Chuk

Chuk

Posts: 14,177 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Hey, I'm finally remember to get around to this for TC. Well, rather than remembering, finally having read the stories preceding yours. This means it might now only be a week or two 'til your ranking. :)

19-May-2009 01:55:24

[#WDKW4SYQO]

[#WDKW4SYQO]

Posts: 6 Bronze Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
I thought this story was very very very good. Just a few tips in furthur stories, for this beggining i had trouble telling you spoke as noah, so maybe you should introduce yourself somehow? I also noticed a lot of the time you were explaining what you would do next, for instance, i planned to have lily shoot fire at the fog's hearts, and then in the story you would mention it again as noah said it to Lilly. Maybe you should leave it like the reader doesn't know until lily does it? For instance:



I had a plan that could possibly take down the fog, etc etc..... later on.... Lilly released a jet of fire into the mass of hearts of the fog's victims.

Just personal views, but i loved the story :]

(i hate to be a critic)

26-May-2009 02:44:28

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