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Ardhonmeth

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Dellema7

Dellema7

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Very nice. I spotted two errors. One in the last paragraph, you referred to the girl as a "he", and the other was the lack of a comma. I forget where, but I'll try and find it.
Here it is:
"Of the gods fighting Zaros Guthix..."
Should be a comma between Zaros and Guthix.
Past that, it was an excellent tale. The only things I noticed that took away from it were a few colloquials mixed in with the "dated" writing. But it really was fantastic. It felt like an excerpt from LotR.

!~Everybody's favorite paradoxical cat; Dellema~!~So THERE'S my shotgun~!
!~Come back with your shield, or on it.~!~Zero's number two fan-!

25-Nov-2007 14:20:06 - Last edited on 25-Nov-2007 14:23:16 by Dellema7

Dellema7

Dellema7

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I know that dated writing was intentional, and it was awesome.
The one colloquial that sticks out in my memory was Zaros knowing that Guthix could "Take him on".

!~Everybody's favorite paradoxical cat; Dellema~!~So THERE'S my shotgun~!
!~Come back with your shield, or on it.~!~Zero's number two fan-!

25-Nov-2007 14:27:34 - Last edited on 25-Nov-2007 14:28:03 by Dellema7

Venmi

Venmi

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Nice job so far. I didn't read it all. I have to take a shower now. :@
~ (V)߆§¢‡ ~ Owner of Quest Cape ~ Rater & Librarian of TYL ~ Teacher at TAoR ~ Host of TSRE ~ Head Reporter at SFT ~ Nicknamed Mitch ~

25-Nov-2007 15:20:17

[#80N8R0VWZ]

[#80N8R0VWZ]

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Foretold by them in ages past they knew I was their duty to carry out the last of their responsibilities upon Gielinor.
I was their duty? Should be it was their duty, right?
And I'll continue reading now ^_^
-~* The Icelandic Grim Reaper is here *~-

25-Nov-2007 16:11:53

Venmi

Venmi

Posts: 14,744 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Nice job, Poller. I did see a few misuse of commas, but that's it. :D
~ (V)߆§¢‡ ~ Owner of Quest Cape ~ Rater & Librarian of TYL ~ Teacher at TAoR ~ Host of TSRE ~ Head Reporter at SFT ~ Nicknamed Mitch ~

25-Nov-2007 16:12:28

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