RuneScape Forum Archive | SM's The Life of Bob

Star Man 11

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Hello everyone! First off, THIS IS NOT ABOUT BOB THE JAGEX CAT!!! This is a story, from the time of Tutorial Island til whenever, about a guy named Bob. This is no noob story. This is also not following along the same exact lines that we went through and still go through as we play the wonderful game Runescape. This is a comic story, with only one real character, so bios ARE NOT needed.
Rules: Follow all Jagex Rules
No spamming
No flaming
No advertising without my permission
CONSTRUCTIVE criticism only
Suggested Reading: (all names are mispelled so you can't go pming the heck out of them)
A Tale Of Four Champions-Jubelion
Kashan's Tale-Sigdure
Paul's Revenge-Eklu123
Siggi's Shorts-Sigdure
Path of Shadow-Anapanayell
Disruption-Sarge Chekaka
and whatever else I come upon to be added in the future! Maybe!

Hall of Fame [must be active poster] (make this and I absolutely positively appreciate you. Revel in that.):
Eklu2- You finally made it, dude. Congratulations. I really love the fact that you always bumped my story.
Blargh- Only part of your name, you're only part there.
Haru- You are awesome. After posting on my story consistently for awhile, your entire name shall be posted here.
Capt Chekaka- Uberness
Taunter and random numbers or something- Uberness
My Blacklist [do something stupid, like try to start a flame war or spam a lot] (make this and wallow in self dispair. Also never post on my stories again.):
Poller5- took my 1k. Go cry, because I'm going BFI on you in my story. Oh, and I own your soul.
Please feel free to point out any and all spelling/grammar mistakes you find. Except on this post, for most of them are on purpose. Time to begin!

14-Nov-2006 23:54:19 - Last edited on 11-Apr-2009 23:34:14 by Star Man 11

Star Man 11

Posts: 7,828 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Table of Contents:
This page
Page 5
Page 7
Page 9
Page 10
Page 14
Page 18
Page 21
Page 23
Page 27
Page 32
Page 36
Page 39
Page 43
Page 46
Page 82
Check out my contest story! Pages 15 and 17!
Landmark posts: By getting one means you have to post a story in that space congratulating me. Do a good job and score points for the Hall of Fame. Completely mess it up and lose points. *Note*- The only posts that I absolutely want are 1000 and 2000. Taking either one will result in instant hatred, and I will declare you dead to me. If you're a spammer, you get to meet one of our very good Forum Mods.
100- Eklu2
200- Fred Zeppeli
300- Demon Boy543
400- Blargh Le
500- Blargh Le
600- Sigurdur130
700- Haru Glory68
800- Me! Finally!
900- Me
1000- Poller 5, whose soul is now mine and who shall burn for eternity.
News and the like:
HELP STAR MAN GET FREE FORUM ACCESS! DONATE WILLOW LOGS TODAY!
Created a Suggestions thread called Star's Suggestions. Go suggest stuff there.
Regained membership, will have it on and off. Going to change all "Eklu" to "Luke" to give everyone a real name.

14-Nov-2006 23:54:37 - Last edited on 11-Apr-2009 23:34:42 by Star Man 11

Star Man 11

Posts: 7,828 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Bob was sitting in his living room, sitting nekked on a bean-bag chair eating Cheetos. He was watching some dumb reality show or another, but he watched it anyway. It was better than actually doing anything constructive.

"Aww come on you stupid blonde! Why'd you vote that person as the one to leave? He was your friend! The other guy is the one you want to watch out for!" yelled Bob at the t.v. He also threw some Cheetos at it.

Suddenly there was a flash of white light, and Bob appeared in a mysterious room.

"Greetings Bob! Welcome to Runescape!" said some person clothed in red robes.

"Oh my God! Where am I? Who are you? Why am I dressed? And why am I walking around in circles? I don't want to walk around in circles! Am I dead?" said a very much bewildered Bob.

"No my dear boy. You are in Runescape, on Tutorial Island. Here you will learn the basic skills needed to survive. Now then, can I show you how to open a door?" said the man.

"No thanks, dude. I can open a door." said Bob.

He proceeded over to the door, but just kept walking into it. When he finally grasped the handle, he turned, pulled, and nothing happened. So after walking into the door one more time, he grabbed the handle again, but pushed this time. Nothing.

'Geez, it's like I'm being controlled by some moron or something.' thought Bob.

"Are you sure you don't need me to explain the concept to you, Bob?" asked the red-robed man in an amused tone of voice.

"Fine, tell me, O wise one." replied an annoyed Bob.

"Ok. Just grasp the handle, turn it, and push. Or pull. It'll work both ways."

The red robed man quickly lost interest in Bob, and turned to greet another person, this one also walking in circles. Bob opened the door, and a beautiful landscape exploded all around him. There was a clear, light blue sky, lush, green grass spreading out to large, green decidious trees. To his right he noticed a slope.

15-Nov-2006 00:07:31 - Last edited on 16-Nov-2006 23:56:39 by Star Man 11

Star Man 11

Posts: 7,828 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Bob went down the slope, and he saw a pond with some small sea creatures swimming around in it. People around the pond were chopping down trees with just a few swings of the axe. Some of those people were starting blazing fires, half the size they were. Some of them looked the same, and all of them were the same height. Bob couldn't figure out why. Then he noticed another person in red robes, though this time the person had an arrow over her head.

"Hey, why is there an arrow over your head?" asked Bob.

"Because you're supposed to talk to me. I'm the fishing, woodcutting, and firemaking instructor." said the FWF instructor.

"Sweet. I'm Bob. Can you show me how to do stuff I just payed other people to do? Or can I still do that? Cuz you see, back when I was at home, I left my wallet on my dresser, so I'm broke. I don't suppose you guys have a National City Bank?" spoke Bob.

"All in due time, Bob. Here take this net. See those tiny swimming things in the pond? Just dunk the net down into them, and they swim right into it. Once you catch a group of three or more in the net, take them out and put them into your backpack." explained the FWF instructor.

"But I don't have a backpack!" exclaimed Bob.

"Yes you do. It's on your back." said the FWF instructor, as she rolled her eyes. She quickly lost interest in Bob as another look alike person came down to talk to her.

Bob twisted his neck behind him and looked down at his back. Sure enough, there was a backpack, looking worn and well used.

'Ok then, I guess all I need to do now is catch some fish!' thought Bob.

Bob cast out his net like the FWF instructor had told him, and miraculously he caught three, small, shrimp-looking things. He took them out of the net and put them into the backpack. There suddenly appeared an arrow over the FWF instructor again.

'Man, this place is weird! I wonder if I'm dreaming?' thought Bob.

15-Nov-2006 00:08:15 - Last edited on 15-Nov-2006 23:37:11 by Star Man 11

Star Man 11

Posts: 7,828 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Bob walked over to the FWF instructor and excitedly said, "I caught fish! I found out I have talent!"

"Good for you, Bob, now take this axe and tinderbox. See one of those trees by the pond? Just take your axe, swing it at the tree, and get some logs. After you do that, set the logs on the ground, use the tinderbox, and you'll have fire! Then all you need to do is cook the shrimp on the fire! Got all that, Bob?" explained the FWF instructor.

"Um, yeah, I think so." replied Bob.

'I wonder how I'm going to be able to cut down a whole tree?' thought Bob.

Bob walked over to a tree, and swung the axe with all his might. To his disbelief, half of the tree was already cut out!

'Holy cow, I'm Super Guy here!' thought Bob. 'This is going to be fun, even if it IS a dream!'

So Bob finished cutting down the tree, and set the logs alight in no time. He realized he had nothing to cook the shrimp on, but after looking at the guy across the pond from him, he had learnt all he had to do was hold the shrimp over the fire. So he did, but they became burnt.

'How the heck did I burn shrimp in under five seconds while holding them in my hand?' wondered Bob.

"Ah, Bob, I see you accidentally burned your shrimp. Just catch some more and try again. I'm sure you'll get it this time!" encouraged the FWF instructor.

Bob walked back over to the pond and repeated the fishing-cooking process. This time he proudly held out his handful of perfectly browned shrimp.

"Ah ha! I did it! I'm awesome!" exclaimed Bob.

"Great! Now continue along the path to the Baker's house. He'll show you how to cook pastries, like bread." said the FWF instructor.

"Super! Thanks lady!" said Bob.

With that he was on his way down the path to the Baker's house. As he neared it, he noticed it looked like a well-kept place, and he could hear the sounds of the kitchen eminating from inside. The smell of fresh bread wafted over him, it smelled heavenly!

15-Nov-2006 23:37:24 - Last edited on 16-Nov-2006 23:59:15 by Star Man 11

Star Man 11

Posts: 7,828 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Bob knocked, and then just let himself in.

"Greetings young one, I'm the cooking instructor." said the cook.

"That's ok, dude. I already know how to cook. The FWF instructor told me. By the way, I'm Bob." said Bob, proudly.

"HAHAHA! You think THAT is cooking? Some measly crustaceans over an open fire? HA! I'll show you real cooking my boy!" said the cook.

The cook picked up a pot full of flour, and a jug filled with water, then he handed them to Bob.

"Ok now Bob, all you need to do is mix the water and this flour into dough. Then, see that range with the stove behind you? Just cook the dough on that! O wonderful, Billy, that bread is perfect!" instructed the cook, he then lost interest and Bob and chatted with Billy.

Bob took the flour and the jug, and he tried to mix them. He spilled all the jug into the pot, but most of the water just spilled onto the floor.

"Uh, cook, can I have some more water?" asked a slightly embarrased Bob.

"Here you go you clumsy oaf, but this time add the flour little by little into the pitcher of water, then dump the dough out onto the range by the stove, and roll it around with your hands until the water is soaked in enough that you can cook the dough into bread." said the cook.

Bob did just that, and, holding the dough in his hands over the stove like he did with the shrimp, he created a full loaf of bread! In four seconds flat!

'Wow, these ranges are handy! I much prefer these to open flame!' thought Bob.

"Good job, Bob! Perfect! Now then, proceed along the path to the next instructor. Only this time, why don't you try to run? I'm sure the exercise would do you good!" said the cook, who chuckled to himself, and turned his attention to another soon-to-be cook.

'Ok, then off I go! I hope the next guy is some kind of combat instructor! Maybe I can learn to kill people with my mind!' wondered Bob.

He opened the next door, and began to jog.

15-Nov-2006 23:37:33 - Last edited on 26-Nov-2006 23:09:42 by Star Man 11

Star Man 11

Posts: 7,828 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

'Oh great, a hill! I hate hills! Why can't this be gentle decline?' thought Bob. 'I miss my beanbag chair already!'

After much huffing and puffing, and some tripping and falling, Bob got to the next instructor. After letting himself in, Bob stepped into a brightly colored room.

"Hello, I'm the Quest instructor. I'm going to teach you about quests and how much fun they are!" said the enthusiastic quest instructor.

"Do they involve work? I hate work. But I might be persuaded to do something for a bag of Cheetos." said Bob, winking at the instructor and half holding out his hand half holding it at his side.

"I don't know what Cheetos are, but quests DO offer some GREAT rewards! Some will give you money, others will grant you new-found knowledge, and some give you cool equipment!" explained the Quest instructor. "Well, that's all I have, why not head down that ladder there to proceed to the next instructor? He'll teach you the basic art of mining, then the basic art of smithing. Isn't that great!?"

"Yeah. Sure. Just stay away from me." said Bob, as he backed up towards the ladder.

Bob didn't even bother to climb the ladder down. He just jumped. And that's when he discovered something cool.

'HOLY COW!!! I have muscles in this world!! I can take hits AND dish them out I'd bet! Guess I still need endurance work, though. With these perfectly sculpted beauties I shoulda been able to tackle that hill in no time!' thought Bob.

Bob turned his gaze to his newfound setting. He seemed to be in a large cavern, dotted with rocks colored a light rust color and greyish color, kinda like tin and copper. Giant stalag**tes and stalagmites formed a maze throughout the cavern, and he could see a small passage to another area. On the edge of the cavern on the far side, he saw a furnace, currently being used by other people, with anvils close by. Bob saw the instructor, and went towards him, hoping to get to test himself.

15-Nov-2006 23:37:37 - Last edited on 26-Nov-2006 23:11:25 by Star Man 11

Star Man 11

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"Hidely Ho! I'm the mining and smithing instructor! I'm going to teach you how to make stuff out of metals!" said the MS instructor.

"Sweet! How do I do it?" said Bob, with a gleam in his eyes and a smile on his face.

"Take this here pickaxe. Now see those copper-colored rocks? They're copper. And the tin-colored ones? Tin. Go mine one of each, then come back and talk to me." said the MS instructor.

'Wow, that guy seems a bit....dense...' thought Bob. 'O well, let's show these rocks who's boss!'

Bob took his pickaxe, and with a mighty swing downward at a copper rock, he nailed it, right down the middle.

"ARGH! MY EYES!!!" screamed Bob at the top of his lungs, as he desperately held his eyes. No blood seemed to come out, AND he had his copper ore.

*sniffle sniffle* "Ow, that hurt....now I need to get a tin one and I'm done with this stupid skill..." said Bob in that I-got-hurt-doing-this-so-now-I-hate-it kind of voice.

He swung the pickaxe just like before, though this time he had his eyes shut. But regardless, a baseball-sized chunk of rock flew up and hit him in the face.

"ARGH! MY FACE!!!" hollored Bob as loud as he could. His nose was bleeding, but it wasn't too serious.

"HERE! Here are those stupid ores! Now can you tell me what to do next!?" said an angry, bloody, Bob.

"Sheesh, calm down fella. The guy right before you got hit in a much worse spot with a chunk of rocks bigger 'en your head. Anywho, take this here hammer. Now take your ores, and put them into the furnace. That'll give you a bar of bronze. Then, while the bar is still hot, take it over to the anvil and hammer it out into a dagger." instructed the MS instructor.

"Ok." said Bob. He walked over to the furnace and shoved in the ores. They quickly molded into a perfect squareish shape.

'This world is str-ange!' thought Bob as he headed over to an anvil, his hands burning from the bar.

15-Nov-2006 23:37:49 - Last edited on 26-Nov-2006 23:13:28 by Star Man 11

Star Man 11

Posts: 7,828 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

'Owowowowowowowowowowow HOT!' thought Bob. He hurredly dropped the bar onto the anvil, withdrawing his hand as if the bar was a cobra coiled to strike. Bob pulled out the hammer in his pack, and he started pounding the bar into a dagger shape.

"Tada!" said Bob, as he proudly displayed his imitation dagger to the MS instructor.

"Tarnation! Boy, were you even looking at this here thang as you were a pounding it? This is the sorriest piece of junk I ever layed eyes on! Do it again you schmuck!" scolded the MS instructor.

'That guy has no idea what he's talking about. But I guess I'll have to do it again anyway, if only to move on.' thought an emotionally hurt Bob.

So Bob repeated the process, agonizing over making his dagger absolutely perfect.

"Here, is this any better?" asked Bob.

"Tons better! Good job fella, now you just move on to the next area where Vannaka is, that feller will really teach ya how to fight!" said the MS instructor.

"Thanks." said Bob. 'SWEET! Combat! Finally, I can fulfill my passion to kill something and get away with it!' thought an excited Bob.

Bob walked over to Vannaka, proudly displaying his knife.

"Hey Vannaka, I'm Bob. Can you teach how to kill stuff?" asked Bob.

"Of course I can you imbecile! And I don't care who you are, to me you're another wannabe champion!" said Vannaka. "Here, have this sword and shield."

"Oh, no thanks, I have this dagger." said Bob, displaying his handywork.

"That thing? That little butterknife wouldn't even hurt a goblin! I bet Hans in Lumbridge wouldn't even be afraid of it! Now take these, and hurry up before I drop them from all this laughter." Vannaka handed Bob the sword and shield. "Now go into that cage and kill a rat."

"Easy! Ok!" said Bob.

"Amateur." said Vannaka, under his breath.

Bob got into the cage, expecting an easy kill. Suddenly a huge, four feet long rat came out of nowhere and attacked Bob.

"Oh my God!" said Bob

15-Nov-2006 23:37:54 - Last edited on 26-Nov-2006 23:14:25 by Star Man 11

Star Man 11

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The Giant Rat had leaped up at Bob's face, mouth agape hoping to take a bite out of him. Bob jumped back, and hid behind a stalag**te.

Bob finally decided to look at his surroundings, deciding it might be useful. He saw the passage back to the mining area, with Vannaka standing by it pointing and laughing at him. There was the large cage he was in, with iron bars and a larger iron gate. Stalag**tes and stalagmites dotted the inside of the cage, which was filled to bursting with Giant Rats.

Bob took up his sword and shield and charged at a Giant Rat.

"YEEEEEEAAAAAARRRRGGGHHHH!! OWWWW!" yelled Bob, the first part warcry, the second part getting bitten in the leg by the rat he was after.

"You stupid thing, die!" Bob stabbed downward at the rat, and missed. Vannaka double over in laughter, merely gesturing to the next person there what to grab and where to go.

At this point Bob had several injuries, spilling out tons of blood. There was probably enough to fill a swimming pool.

'Sweet, I guess I can't die here! Maybe all I have to do now is wait for that rat to get tired before I can kill it!' Bob thought.

So Bob did just that. Vannaka got bored watching him, and the rat was finally too tired to take another bite of Bob.

"Austa la vista, baby!" said Bob thinking he sounded awesome, and stabbed his sword downward into the rat's skull, making his first kill.

"O yeah! You like that Vannaka? I did it! I killed a rat! What now punk?" gloated Bob.

"You're bleeding." said Vannaka, who lost interest in Bob and started speaking with another adventurer.

An arrow appeared over Vannaka, so Bob walked over to him.

"Well, guess what, meat? You get to kill another rat. Here, take this bow and these arrows. Stand outside the cage, and shoot through the bars at a rat until it's dead." explained Vannaka.

"Okey dokey!" said Bob. Vannaka shook his head.

Bob walked over to the cage, feeling like a Native American with his bow.

15-Nov-2006 23:37:58 - Last edited on 27-Nov-2006 23:33:11 by Star Man 11

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SM's The Life of Bob