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RS Story Contest #4 - Survivor

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Borna Coric

Borna Coric

Posts: 3,785 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Sir Lamentar: This story of yours was hard for me to take a stance on. Your themes, foreshadowing, and ultimately the impact of the entry was done brilliantly. The conclusive paragraphs really draw a better relationship with the reader, and captivated me a lot to better aid the message. I can’t really downgrade the story because of this, but I thought that this entry was slightly clumsy compared to the others I have read from you. Again, I can’t bring it down because it does not match my expectations, but some repetition such as “...punched the glass, the sharp glass cutting...” just seemed out of place from you. Putting that small issue aside, this was really clever, well executed and beautifully written. Great work.

Wolflord7777: Another hard one for me to critique. First off, I just want to know if the article portion of the story was purposefully written in a more stagnant and “telling” manner? If the answer is yes, then I don’t believe that this is the style of writing you should pursue for such a short character limit. Having said that, there was something strangely alluring about the way the story unfolds. The addition of the conversation at the end was very welcome, but I don’t think this concept captures water in the best way. However, this was not a criteria, so I shall end on the note that this was a creative and well-formulated story. Good job.

The Level: I liked this entry a lot. Your description is constantly adding subtly to the perception of the lake, the atmosphere captured perfectly, which later matches the events that unfold. The dialogue seems authentic, and flows nicely as well. You had me completely convinced that Elizabeth Taylor was not a witch, so you foreshadowed that wonderfully as well. This was a thorough story with a great concept, capturing the power of water really well.

07-Jul-2011 10:09:26

Borna Coric

Borna Coric

Posts: 3,785 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Archive: The fast-paced dialogue with little acknowledgement of the speaker is a really good way to capture a reader, because so much information is conveyed so quickly, yet leaves many questions unanswered. Using this to open your entry was very successful, but I question the later paragraphs. The succinct and concise sentences aren’t enough to maintain a flow, and create a constant stop and start pace, and I still can’t grasp the entire concept. I don’t think that the foreshadowing in this entry is done the best it could have been either, as I can’t even answer the questions I have myself with the substance you provide in the story. Having said that, I do like the way you build up the suspense and the final sentence is a good line to leave a reader on. I think you could improve this immensely through the way it is written, as the concept and such is all good.

Xanthian93: I really liked the more calming and subtle approach to this story. You slowly introduce more events to maintain the flow of the entry, like the cooking of the rabbit and burning of the fire. This is all concluded perfectly, as Vulcan finishes the food and stomps out the fire; it is a subtle way to convey the end of the story. The only thing I would have liked is some type of further information, or back story, on the girl. Unless I am missing something, the reader really doesn’t get a grasp of who she is or her situation. Perhaps some information on this would give the entry more of a direction. It’s a fine balance, though, as it may ruin the nature of the story. Regardless, this is a well written entry which utilises pace and tone nicely. Great work.

07-Jul-2011 10:09:41

Borna Coric

Borna Coric

Posts: 3,785 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Wintry Elf: This is a breathtaking entry (excuse the pun), and it gave me chills. The way you adopt the position of the girl makes the story so much more authentic. The position of the reader flips through the story as well, though you make it so subtle, which is very hard to do effectively. At first I felt happy for the girl, then concerned, then sorry for her; the whole story is a great vessel for empathy, and I can** say much more. You tie in air beautifully, and it takes nothing away from the entry. Brilliant writing, very good job.

Paccy IV: After many annoying grammatical errors, I began to enjoy this story. Perhaps more for the back story of the character I know already, though, and not for the story itself. I think there is a lot more you could do with this. While earth comes in as a forefront of the entry, I don’t think you utilise it in the best way you could have. Quite a few clumsy sentences also mean that the flow of this story is not great, and has a “stop and start” effect. On top of this, I was waiting for a direction to come into the story after the seemingly undirected start, but it never did. Not that it was all bad, there are a few good aspects, such as the sense of achievement that the reader gets as Dharok makes it through the soil, which you build with a personal connection. But I just feel there is a lot missing. With a better concept, I believe you could have written an entry that is much better than this.

07-Jul-2011 10:09:54

Borna Coric

Borna Coric

Posts: 3,785 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Ogdred: Interesting. This take on fire was brilliant, turning it into a metaphorical interpretation which slowly built until it became literal. The approach of a letter seems like more of a personal insight than other styles of writing as well, and you definitely feel more of a connection through it. What I really want to acknowledge is the way you evolve the concept on an emotional level. The relationship you build with the reader accentuates the events that follow, and is brilliantly done. Another fantastic entry from you, keep it up.

Nyyrikki V: Another utilisation of a style of writing that works well for this theme. The way you adopt the position of the wizard authenticates the story, and with it, a well established tone and pace. You develop it to a point where I can hear the wizard speaking the letter in my head, and it works very well with the realistic dialogue-type style of writing. The building of the qualities of the wizard, most particularly being wise, also creates a sense to the reader that he knows what he is doing, which provides a lot more tension and suspense. Great writing, and a good, literal use of the theme.

07-Jul-2011 10:10:03

Borna Coric

Borna Coric

Posts: 3,785 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Okay, now to announce the individual winners of each pair:

Starting with quite an obvious victory, Sir Lamentar wins by default for Team Calamus, as Dieidiot0 has failed to post an entry for this round. Well deserved in spite of this, Lamen; your entry was well-written and thorough. As it stands, the score is 1-0 to Team Calamus.

The next match-up, Archive and Paccy IV with the theme of “Earth”. This was a really tricky one to judge, as you both had major flaws, yet other fantastic aspects, to your entries. The person I have chosen as the winner of this duel did a better job with developing their initial concept into a more polished story, leaving questions for the reader through a direction in the entry. Congratulations to Archive from Team Plectrum, who has won this matchup, albeit marginally. The score is now 1-1.

Now for the third pair, the theme of “Fire”, contested by Xanthian93 and Ogdred. This was another extremely tough one to decide. You both adopted very different, yet very successful, styles of writing. The person I have chosen as the winner has developed their story in a more methodical and creative way. Congratulations to Ogdred from Team Calamus, who has won this duel. The score is 2-1 to Team Calamus.

07-Jul-2011 10:10:17

Borna Coric

Borna Coric

Posts: 3,785 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
For the fourth matchup, and opportunity for Calamus to win, the theme is “Air” and is between Wintry Elf and Nyyrikki V. This was the toughest one to decide, as you both had really fantastic interpretations, carried through with great demonstration of literary ability. The winner of this pair, chosen through the utilisation of the theme for impact, is Wintry Elf for Team Plectrum. Congratulations. This means that with one duel to go, the score is 2-2.

For the fifth and final matchup, WolfLord7777 and The Level are battling it out over the theme of “Water”. Again, a hard one to decide, but the winner is the person who has used the theme creatively, fulfilling the need for description and putting forward a great setting for the events. Congratulations to The Level who has won this duel, consequently meaning a victory for Team Calamus, 3-2.

As the losing side, all members of Team Plectrum are now up for elimination, at the mercy of their teammates. Thank you for putting forward an entry, but you have been beaten marginally by Calamus. Details about the voting round are now up on Page Two.

Congratulations to everyone, in particular Team Calamus. Thank you for submitting your entries for this round.


Final Breakdown:
- Sir Lamentar has won over Dieidiot0 for Team Calamus
- Archive has prevailed over Paccy IV for Team Plectrum
- Ogdred has beaten Xanthian93 for Team Calamus
- Wintry Elf has been victorious over Nyyrikki V for Team Plectrum
- The Level has won it for Team Calamus over WolfLord7777

07-Jul-2011 10:10:27 - Last edited on 07-Jul-2011 10:29:55 by Borna Coric

97swiftarm

97swiftarm

Posts: 6,533 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
So you're aware. I was sober. These things are hard to do sober. Spent the whole weekend drunk, so I felt getting to that stage again just wasn't healthy. Also, I hated this entry with a passion - I'm so over death.

Good work, team. Onwards for drinks at the local pub, on Lebbeh. We deserved it.

07-Jul-2011 10:18:53

Borna Coric

Borna Coric

Posts: 3,785 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
I thought you would be raging at me for the third immunity in a row, Lamen. Yes, I had suspicions that this was a "sober entry". ;)

EDIT: The details on the third voting round are now up on Page Two.

07-Jul-2011 10:21:41 - Last edited on 07-Jul-2011 10:29:32 by Borna Coric

WolfLord7777

WolfLord7777

Posts: 1,881 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
"First off, I just want to know if the article portion of the story was purposefully written in a more stagnant and “telling” manner? If the answer is yes, then I don’t believe that this is the style of writing you should pursue for such a short character limit"

The answer is yes, and I know that it probably wasn't the best way to write, but thats just the way it came out.

"I don’t think this concept captures water in the best way"

I know, but the deadline was drawing close and that was the only idea I had that had anything to do with water.

Congratulations everyone (Escpecially Level- I actually really enjoyed yours).

EDIT: I vote for Dieidiot0

07-Jul-2011 10:39:13 - Last edited on 07-Jul-2011 10:41:41 by WolfLord7777

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