Forums
Zamorak's True Son
Quick find code: 49-50-112-44924638
"Hi Siigi, your short stories seem interesting. For reader exchange, if I read your story, will you read my story, Zamorak's True Son. I'd appreciate it greatly. Please reply on my thread or on this thread of yours, thank you
Quick find code: 49-50-112-44924638"
~~~
No offence, but I'm going to decline this exchange. I started reading, but the senseless killing without any real reason just isn't my cup of tea.
EDIT: Meh, I read some part into it. May as well post what I thought about that. (Page nine and everything before)
First off, this was a good story, so far as I could tell. I particularly liked the first couple of posts (that's why I started
) becouse I thought "wow, this seems to be really original and a good character
". And it was; in the dream, you gave the gods very human qualities (like sending them flying toward Guthix and falling on their faces
) and powered Guthix to a point I have never seen before; and it worked.
However, I was *very* confused about the part where the elf and the half-elf...meet? Catch up with each other? I wasn't really quite sure if they knew each other before...
Additionally, their dialouge felt EXTREMELY forced; it was like you were trying to make every detail of the BIO come through in that single scene. Usually, it's a better idea to make things like that slowly unravel.
About the blood'n'gore in the scenes following the dream...it's probobly just me, but I felt no real purpose in that scene, though some people might love that more than other parts of this story.
The main thing that I think you need to work on is in the field of grammar. When a character speaks, you should ALWAYS give that character a whole new paragraph.
“Zamak!” he exclaimed. “Zamak?” I replied bewildered.
Should be:
"Zamak!" he exclaimed.
"Zamak?" I replied bewildered.
All in all; good story, but not my cup of tea
Quick find code: 49-50-112-44924638"
~~~
No offence, but I'm going to decline this exchange. I started reading, but the senseless killing without any real reason just isn't my cup of tea.
EDIT: Meh, I read some part into it. May as well post what I thought about that. (Page nine and everything before)
First off, this was a good story, so far as I could tell. I particularly liked the first couple of posts (that's why I started
) becouse I thought "wow, this seems to be really original and a good character
". And it was; in the dream, you gave the gods very human qualities (like sending them flying toward Guthix and falling on their faces
) and powered Guthix to a point I have never seen before; and it worked.
However, I was *very* confused about the part where the elf and the half-elf...meet? Catch up with each other? I wasn't really quite sure if they knew each other before...
Additionally, their dialouge felt EXTREMELY forced; it was like you were trying to make every detail of the BIO come through in that single scene. Usually, it's a better idea to make things like that slowly unravel.
About the blood'n'gore in the scenes following the dream...it's probobly just me, but I felt no real purpose in that scene, though some people might love that more than other parts of this story.
The main thing that I think you need to work on is in the field of grammar. When a character speaks, you should ALWAYS give that character a whole new paragraph.
“Zamak!” he exclaimed. “Zamak?” I replied bewildered.
Should be:
"Zamak!" he exclaimed.
"Zamak?" I replied bewildered.
All in all; good story, but not my cup of tea
27-Jun-2007 23:57:14 - Last edited on 28-Jun-2007 12:43:27 by [#80N8R0VWZ]
Alright. Thanks for the response Siigi. It was the most well thought out and longest/most detailed one anyone has ever given me
28-Jun-2007 15:06:54 - Last edited on 28-Jun-2007 15:07:13 by Venmi
Awsome story! Better than Tacos
~Strength Through Balance N P0wer~ RAW P0WER FTW!
~Strength Through Balance N P0wer~ RAW P0WER FTW!
01-Jul-2007 01:19:05
Quick find code: 49-50-112-44924638 Back to Top