forums.rs

Forums

Act of love, mercy or malice?

Quick find code: 23-24-653-66257416

of 2
Averia Light

Averia Light

Posts: 28,508 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
SlR said :


Give up control for a little while, stop thinking about YOUR next step and instead observe THEIRS. Communication is key (cliche, I know) but keep things simple; ask them what they want, how they feel, etc. Don't ask them anything silly like 'will you ever forgive me' because that just opens up the wound. Plus they probably haven't even decided that themselves so you'd be forcing them to give an answer they might feel obliged to stand by, even if they grow to feel differently. It's hard to explain.

Why wouldn't giving them space to sort through this themselves without your hurtful presence be a better alternative here? They can reach out if they want to sort of thing which would put them in a position of control?

SlR said :


Would staying be an act of love or selfishness?
- Both

Would leaving be an act of mercy or malice?
- Neither

Would trying to fix the relationship be caring or just hurtful?
- Caring

Thanks for your reply. I do not intend to suggest that your way is wrong, rather I am curious what others think. And I swear I'm not going to let her know all the pain I have known

12-Jul-2022 02:49:29

Brigantia

Brigantia

Posts: 17,674 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
I think it depends entirely on what was done. What was your relationship to them in the first place? A parent? A partner?

Credit card debt behind their back? Bought a car behind their back? Bought them a house they didn't want and weren't able to get rid of? Ruined their relationship with someone else? Or maybe it was a petty thing, like stealing a book or something from a friend.

Idk, it varies. And I think in all cases it really requires communication and evaluation on both ends to really get full closure, regardless of the outcome.
Arrr! Only th' Devil an' I know th' where'bouts o' me treasure, an' th' one o' us who lives th' longes' should take i' all.


@CapnBrigantia

12-Jul-2022 12:44:36

SlR
Nov Member 2020

SlR

Posts: 4,378 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Yeah, it really depends. I was just giving general advice (assuming the person is worth staying with), but only you can decide that. It's 100% normal to cut ties with people you don't get along with, but how you do it is... well, only you can decide that. I personally don't think its 'fake' to let the past be past, if the relationship is worth saving, but I understand how others might see it. I'm more of a 'keep the peace' kind of guy, even with people I don't like. I simply adjust the amount of time I 'spend' with people, according to how they are (and have been) it's a bit of a balancing act. How many 2nd chances should you give? I don't know, it depends / we're all different / it's very situational.

If you think you'll never be forgiven, that's all it is, a thought . Your thought is not necessarily the reality until you hear it from the other person. How somebody acts and their intentions are two separate things. If you 'project' that you've not been forgiven, that might become a reality (or prevent you from being forgiven) sorta like you manifest it. But if you've tried your best to rectify things, and it's gone on too long with no improvement, either try something new or move on. Either way good luck!

The past is history, the future is a mystery, the 'present' is a 'gift'. Focus on now and move on. Bob says:
A bank PIN will keep your items secure.
Always check the second trade screen.
Never trade in the Wilderness!
Keep your computer keylogger-free and virus scanned.
Never give your password out to anyone.

13-Jul-2022 18:43:10 - Last edited on 20-Jul-2022 07:54:59 by SlR

Kiwi Magic

Kiwi Magic

Posts: 21,563 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
I think that although being in this situation, it is not about "staying" but about continuing to care about that person whether to stay with that person or not.

One does not have to stay in a relationship to care about the other party.
Make Your Own Magic

18-Jul-2022 04:02:17

Averia Light

Averia Light

Posts: 28,508 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Kiwi Magic said :
I think that although being in this situation, it is not about "staying" but about continuing to care about that person whether to stay with that person or not.

One does not have to stay in a relationship to care about the other party.

Agreed And I swear I'm not going to let her know all the pain I have known

20-Jul-2022 17:15:57

Averia Light

Averia Light

Posts: 28,508 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
SlR said :
Yeah, it really depends. I was just giving general advice (assuming the person is worth staying with), but only you can decide that. It's 100% normal to cut ties with people you don't get along with, but how you do it is... well, only you can decide that. I personally don't think its 'fake' to let the past be past, if the relationship is worth saving, but I understand how others might see it. I'm more of a 'keep the peace' kind of guy, even with people I don't like. I simply adjust the amount of time I 'spend' with people, according to how they are (and have been) it's a bit of a balancing act. How many 2nd chances should you give? I don't know, it depends / we're all different / it's very situational.

If you think you'll never be forgiven, that's all it is, a thought . Your thought is not necessarily the reality until you hear it from the other person. How somebody acts and their intentions are two separate things. If you 'project' that you've not been forgiven, that might become a reality (or prevent you from being forgiven) sorta like you manifest it. But if you've tried your best to rectify things, and it's gone on too long with no improvement, either try something new or move on. Either way good luck!

The past is history, the future is a mystery, the 'present' is a 'gift'. Focus on now and move on.

Yeah, idk either. Giving space doesn't mean cutting someone out to me, but it does seem that way to others. To me, it just means if you want to talk, we can or if I want to talk to you, I can, but if we don't, that is fine, too. It always feels like someone who immediately wants to reconcile does so out of their own guilt or just being uncomfortable with silence. I also feel like giving them space and letting them decide things (or the opposite, them giving you space) is moving on.

I'm also not in this situation at all. I've obviously been on both sides of this conversation in the past, though. And I swear I'm not going to let her know all the pain I have known

20-Jul-2022 17:53:44

Averia Light

Averia Light

Posts: 28,508 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Brigantia said :
I think it depends entirely on what was done. What was your relationship to them in the first place? A parent? A partner?

Credit card debt behind their back? Bought a car behind their back? Bought them a house they didn't want and weren't able to get rid of? Ruined their relationship with someone else? Or maybe it was a petty thing, like stealing a book or something from a friend.

Idk, it varies. And I think in all cases it really requires communication and evaluation on both ends to really get full closure, regardless of the outcome.

Sorry, just a casual relationship. Not a romantic, professional or parental one.

I'd say any situation where one party felt wronged, but not up to actually committing a felony - so petty theft would "count" but murder wouldn't. Things like a difference in political opinions, ruining friendships, and other things I've mentioned in this thread. And I swear I'm not going to let her know all the pain I have known

20-Jul-2022 17:59:09

Averia Light

Averia Light

Posts: 28,508 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
And, thanks for the replies. It seems like no one really knows what to do, haha.

As a general rule, I give people space. Like "hey if you want to talk, I'm here, but if you don't, that is fine, too" and I just thought it was normal to expect this from others when I am wronged, but it appears as though others feel differently. And I swear I'm not going to let her know all the pain I have known

20-Jul-2022 18:01:51

Quick find code: 23-24-653-66257416 Back to Top