RuneScape Forum Archive | Runescape: A Lifestyle

mudd3r

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About three months ago I finished my first novella- about Runescape. The idea came to me about a year ago and I wrote for about 6 months, consistently. I really enjoyed writing this and formed it into a tragic comedy/ satire about two pk'ers who are so obsessed with pk'ing they become completely consumed by it. Originally I was going to post on Amazon for .99cents because tbh I am a broke college student. But I decided not to. I don't want money for this and I'm really not trying to advertise anything- my main purpose in writing this is to make some Runescape players smile. It's 32 MSWord pages (approx 90 book pages) and should only take a few nights to finish. It's completely unedited so there are errors in grammar and syntax but I couldn't afford an editor lol. Please feel free to free to read and share and I hope you enjoy! I'm actually gonna be posting this on a few forums but strangely this is the official release.

Update- posting chapter 1 tonight. If you guys like I'll post the rest

If you have any comments or questions feel free to email me at spallis93@gmail.***

11-Mar-2015 01:34:18 - Last edited on 11-Mar-2015 01:37:47 by mudd3r

mudd3r

Posts: 7 Bronze Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

ACT I
A Getty In Edgy
Walking still along the path and into Barbarian village, passing the level 13 unicorns and a lonely yew, Sloop and Guerilla approached the Edgeville bank.
"Cross yourself you holy fool!" Guerilla exclaimed in a sort of daze, "have you sold your soul to Zamorak?!" and with that he pulled out his book of Saradomin and rehearsed a prayer, "The darkness of death comes to all mortals; May Saradomin guide your soul to light."
Confused, maybe even terrified, Sloop jumped back trying to avoid the blessing all together and then jumped very close to Guerilla and ripped out a page from the book. Page 4. "What is this trash book? Why would you need a defense bonus, you're a pure for Guthix sake! And waste precious gold on these worthless pages?" he began inspecting the page and decided to crumble it and toss it next to a maple tree. A level 6 woodcutter looked down at it, then back at the maple tree. Of course, a bot. "He's botting off and yet you dare to bless me? You'll coward! It was simply an idea! A whimsical thought!"
"A thought is a seed, young one. I would know, have you seen my skill cape?" Guerilla spun around violently and flashed his farming skill cape. Sloop laughed, "You're pathetic! Go plant yourself some courage!"
"Ah pathetic, but one with a soul. Your little scheme, it's evil, crooked, it's beyond me! I will not!"
"My little scheme, friend, is about to make us rich. What can't you see?!"
"Yes... but..." Guerilla blushed and entered the bank. Sloop followed closely behind. The two pures both "up'ed" their hoods and kept their heads down. In this sort of environment one must be as inconspicuous as possible, they are after all, somewhat well known, and rumor has it, in their presence, one can hear the faint sound of a Breaking Benjamin song begin to play. Unwanted attention is sure to cause trouble, beggars and peasants are like flies on meat in this part of the world.

11-Mar-2015 01:35:40

mudd3r

Posts: 7 Bronze Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

World 118. Inside the bank is crowded as always and merchants are flooding the screen with text: selling sharks, super sets, obby mauls, dragon scimitars, rings of recoil, buying unids 650gp ea. And in the back left corner, high alching what looks to be yew longbows, is a group of high level mages wearing full blue and white mystic, fire staffs flaring with each alch. One of the alchers stops and shouts, "existence, religion? Pah! The irony!" The group of mages seem to be in the heat of a debate. Their bodies huddle together and form a small circle in the midst of the merchants, they look like a flock of Emporer penguins. There's 6 in total, all alching in total synchronization.
Another alcher tugs at his amulet of fury and mumbles, "existence... is subjective, is it not?"
"Subjective? Explain yourself, because to me you sound like an idiot, a true idiot!" shouted a mage nearly choking on the fumes of the alch smoke.
"Well, who is to say reality is the life supposed to be lived? I mean, this is... a virtual reality... but what's the difference between virtual reality and actual reality?"
"I'm not following, and you make me sick with your petty thoughts, are you manic or something? Log!"
"It's quite simple. Here, I'll put it simply- actual reality feels like an outdated server, do you follow? And runescape... well, I have freedom here. I have goals. Stats. I can separate myself from the true scoundrels. Think, if you stand next to another human in real life, what separates you from this man? An intellectual mind? But a mind is subjective you fool! You're identical to this scoundrel and he could have the thoughts of a slug! And this fire cape... tell me, is that subjective?" he shouted so loud the alchers stopped and stared.

11-Mar-2015 01:35:58

mudd3r

Posts: 7 Bronze Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

"Log out mate, this is getting ridiculous!"
"Follow me you fool! Is it so difficult to grasp? Allow me to deduce... I am telling you... runescape takes more skill than actual life! School? Biology? To hell with it! Go fill your Punnet squares but leave me out of your... sorcery..****'ing takes more skill than school will ever be able to offer! It's the truth! The truth!" and with that the manic mage bowed and took a step back. His face turned bright red, and sweat formed around his temples. The group of mages looked at him and cringed, thinking, "good God, he's manic... but his logic isn't that farfetched..."
Guerilla, having heard the entire discussion, frowned and walked up to the bank teller and accessed his bank, pulling out his Pk'ing gear- but first let me introduce to you the two pures.
Guerilla is a range pure: 50 attack, 92 strength, 1 defence, 99 range, 94 mage, 91 prayer. Born and raised in Fallador, he's known for his granite maul KO's and is somewhat worshipped for his wildy mannerism. Always asking, "gf?" or "plz don't safe", "plz". Rumor has it, after a kill, he buries the fallen's bones and teleports to Lumbridge and gives the victim a free amulet of glory with a full charge. He says humbly, "you almost had me, good fight, brother!". And his friends list, a beautiful sight, from Fear Figment to Omgf0rz, green dots are the majority in his Edgeville wild.
A little more unfaithful, his partner Sloop is known as being careless, idiotic, a true scoundrel. He's known for player jumping with a dragon dagger [p++*, known for, back in the day, dragon claw rushing. Rumor has it he even pj'ed Elder Zezima's cousin. Stats: 60 attack, 95 strength, 1 defence, 90 range, 95 mage, 31 prayer. But, I will say, his lack of respect is made up for with his outrageous risking: 500k-1m gold coins. Why risk that much? It's beyond me. But the poor soul has lost more dark bows than he can remember.

11-Mar-2015 01:36:25

mudd3r

Posts: 7 Bronze Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Guerilla walked out of the bank wearing the most holy pk'ing outfit: a beige monk's robe top and bottom, mith gloves, climbing boots, a bear helmet, amulet of strength, fire cape... and as for a weapon- rune scimitar and granite maul. Thankfully our pure has banked his book of Saradomin and retrieved his unholy book of Zamorak. An unworldly strength bonus.
Sloop, after getting into an argument with the bank teller, stumbled out of the bank wearing full ghostly, climbing boots, mith gloves, fire cape, ancient staff and a zammy book. Still stumbling, Sloop approached Guerilla.
"Are you drunk?"
"No..." Sloop winced, turning slightly to the left and making the motion as if he's eating a lobster, or a shark.
"What are you eating?! We haven't even stepped foot in the wildy!" Guerilla shouted and squeezed his book of Zamorak close to his chest, clearly troubled by Sloop, "wait... don't... don't tell me you're dosing up! Are you sipping on your super set this early?!"
"I... uh... a super set a day... It's nothing... "
"Are you addicted to super sets? You fool!"
"I'm just... bah! Leave me alone you hypocrite! I saw you grinding limpwort roots in that pestel the other night and don't even tell me it was for strength potions! You're foul! And that girl, shall I have the honors of exposing you?"
"What girl?" Guerilla demanded.
"Don't play stupid, friend. World 361, Varrock Square, you befriended a girl by the name of Crystal1998 and gifted her full black armor and 5k for a quick dance on the second story of the tavern. You guys danced all over each other!" Sloop was boasting now, his voice reached all the back to the Edgeville bank and some merchants stuck their heads out possessed by curiosity.

11-Mar-2015 01:37:02

mudd3r

Posts: 7 Bronze Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Guerilla looked as if he wanted to say something, then scratched his nose and snorted. Sloop kicked a rock and flipped off an eavesdropping "Edgy Man".
"How's your inventory looking?" Guerilla asked, wiping the lint off his monk robe top. They continued walking North.
"Super set, sharks, dagger, ice barrage runes, a Varrock teletab, and 10mil," Sloop whispered under his breath barely in control of his own voice.
"But why! You risk so much for nothing!" Guerilla cried in a frantic yelp, on the verge of pressing the "crying emote".
"Ah, but you're so wrong. It's the adrenaline I risk for. It helps me focus, it gets me... wet," Sloop shuddered. He looked terribly pale in the face as they approached the wilderness wall. And at the wall the two pures looked out into the distance and observed their competition. Skulls floating everywhere. A moment of silence took them both, the same silence and attention to detail that takes place before a murder.
ENTER THE WILDERNESS? YES. And they both jump over the wall and into the wilderness...

11-Mar-2015 01:37:19